Boarded In
by anneyy
Summary: They all started school together, and now completing there last 3 years at Seattle Grace boarding school. Meredith just transferred in from Boston, Cristina from California, Izzie from Washington, George from Seattle and Alex from Iowa- can they survive the next year or three? Mainly Crowen. Side: MerDer, Izzex etc. Rated T for now, themes of mental illness will be specified.
1. Chapter 1: Leaving it all behind

**Just for audience reference, I will be talking about certain mental illness in certain chapters. I don't claim to be an expert and I've tried my best to stay true to the characters that were in the show. I've also changed some backstory with the characters as I think that it would add to the dynamic of this universe I've conjured up in my mind.**

 **Aside from that little sidenote, I hope you enjoy and I'm sorry in advance for it being really bad. Not my best chapter but it gets better I think. hehe enjoy :) and it's my first long fanfic so yeah, I apologise in advance teehee also everything belongs to Shonda Rhimes and CO, I don't own anything.**

 **[Mentions of substance abuse]**

[]

 **Chapter 1: Leaving it all behind**

Meredith looked out to the peaceful rain that splattered on the street as she walked towards her new school. The bus she rode to get here drove off, leaving her to get a whiff of the fumes. Her duffle was in her arms and her backpack was slinged behind as she walked towards the brooding campus, she would be essentially be eating, sleeping and studying there. She highly doubted her Mother would come visit, she would rather be in Boston weeping over whatever happened here in Seattle many years ago. She didn't even look at the application when she was sending Meredith to boarding school, only signing it and giving her giving her to the school that she was studying in for 3 years.

She came home to her Mother shuffling through boarding school applications before choosing the one calling "Seattle Grace". Named after the infamous Grace Sisters who founded this boarding school and the hospital both named the same names.

In the end she chose to come back home: Seattle before she was dragged to Boston. It was nice being back, the weather hadn't changed nor did the atmosphere. It was...nice to be back to something so familiar to her.

She turned the corner and saw the glass paneled building, it was spectacular. She would always see it when she walked home from primary school, all the older student with there books pressed up agansit there chest walking inside to attend classes.

There were a line of grey and black cars littered around the carpark, with the occasional coloured car among the crowd. Students were crowding in with parents, parents. She only had a parent and even she didn't bother to come. She expected tears to well up in her eyes, fight to spill but none came. It was normal for her at this point, it felt fine.

Taking a deep sigh she walked into the building, clutching her duffle bag closer to her as she made her way into the building.

Into her new life as a senior.

New life.

It was relatively easy to find the dorm section to the building with the various engraved signs, she checked her phone to see that she would be in room 420. She made her ways up the stairs considering that the elevators were jam packed with parents and help personals ushering every student along. And besides the elevators were only meant for teachers and visitors, never for students.

She made her way to her room, other classmates, assumably classmates, made there way into the dormitory as well. The walls were painted white, it was clean and it didn't smell of musty air like her home used too. There were wooden accents around the two single beds that were in the middle of the room. There was a corkboard near it and a black side table. There were two desks pressed against the wall that she had to walk past to get to the farther bed, the sheets were white, to be expected, and a window ledge that extended slightly outwards leaving enough space for a beanbag and a chair. It was surprisingly big, to Meredith's surprise, she was waitlisted to enter and only got news of her acceptance a month before term started.

Walking towards the bed nearest to the window, she plopped herself down on the bed. Letting herself relax on the soft mattress. She brought her own bedsheets and pillow cases, but it was in the luggage that she sent the other day. Filled with her uniform and stuff. The desk in front of her bed was bland, lack of anything on top of it except a black lamp and a pencil holder plus the black chair that sat there. The other desk, on the other hand, was piled high with IGCSE, iB diploma books and AP textbooks.

She was astounded by the amount of textbooks stacked up on top, the legs of the table looked like they were about to collapse. Just then a young, asian female burst into the room. Her black curls cascading down her face from her messy bun. She was slender faced, small eyed and thin eyebrows. Her physique was thin, and she looked slightly fit while also having a double piercing on her right ear while she had one on her right. She had a thin gold chain necklace with a rose-gold coloured rose flower pendant attached to it. The rose itself was facing downward and was gently tucked away underneath her shirt. It was gorgeous, she was gorgeous. Looking flustered, she didn't seem to notice that Meredith was in the room since she quickly dumped her bag on the floor and ran out.

"Hello to you too…" Meredith muttered.

A few minutes later she came back, carrying a navy blue duffle into the room. "Oh, hello there." She said. "Roomate?"

"Yeah, I believe so"

"Cristina Yang, I came from California."

"Meredith Grey, Boston."

"Which bed do you want?"

"I don't mind but I already placed mine closer to window but if you prefer it i'll give it to you."

"It's fine, i'll just take this bed" She indicated to the empty bed. "So, um, this room's big. There's also a common room down the hall for the Year 11s. There's a greeting ceremony, it's mandatory to go but I might skip it."

"Yes it is big, why'd you skip it?" Meredith asked as she unzipped her bag.

"I'd prefer to read" Gesturing at the pile of books on the desk.

"Are you planning to do all 3?" She asked, genuinely curious at the petite asian.

"Nah, I just like to read them. I'm finishing the IGCSE course this year then doing iB."

"Same, I just finished half the course back at my old school in Boston." Meredith replied.

"That's nice" Cristina supposed, she already knew what she was going to do. If she could, she might do the AP biology course. But at the current moment she was swamped with work. She was required to finish her English coursework on poetry and submit it to the school tomorrow before term started. She was glad that she got to go away, from her family back in California. The need to leave the hell hole that she no longer called home.

It was isolating but it was enough for Cristina, everything changed after, first, her brother dying then her dad. She shoved every underlying feeling of emotion down, refusing to show any sort of emotional attachment or feeling. It killed to feel, it was a living hazard trying to maneuver through the mess of her own life.

In a strange way, she blamed her mother for not allowing her to be healthy about her rotting emotions. They were slowly infecting her, and she had no stream to funnel it out of her body. It didn't help that her mother barely showed any sign of emotion, just going through life and now married to another man.

"Cristina? Are you okay?"

"Yeah?" She said, snapping out of her thoughts. "What?"

"Uh nothing you were just staring at the floor." Meredith replied.

"Shit, oh okay."

"I'm going to head to the mandatory welcoming party." Meredith said. "I might meet some classmates and I don't think I can be cooped up in this room for very long. I'll join you for dinner?"

"Yeah, I guess. Have fun. I might drop by later so the teachers can see i'm there but leave right after."

"Okay, see you then" Before leaving and closing the wooden door behind her.

Cristina breathed a sigh of relief, she refused to show any emotions. Be strong, be strong, be stro- she faltered at the last word. How could she be strong? Not after everything.

"Brian!" She called from the kitchen as she closed the door coming home from school. "Brian?"

There was a note on the kitchen table with three words: Goodbye little sis.

Her heart sank into her stomach, a rising feeling made her want to regurgitate her lunch. She knew of her brothers problems with ADHD and she did her best to help him cope. He was always on top of his grades at school, before falling into an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. "Brian?" She whispered.

Cristina ran upstairs, finding that his room was untouched with only his backpack gone. She rummaged through his closet, trying to find the woven bracelet that she gave him for his birthday. He would only wear it going out, or when he ran away for a few days before returning home. The bracelet was gone, it was gone and so was he.

She tried to convince herself that he was going to come back within a few days, like he always did but he never ever wrote a note. Something was off, something wasn't right.

She waited. She waited for her parents to come home and then waited for her brother to walk through the doors again. Her parents brushed it off, saying he'd come back. But he didn't. She missed him terribly because even though he had ADHD, he still the time to comfort her and listen to her when she needed the company.

After 72 hours of waiting, the worry that consumed her was eating her alive.

After 96 hours of waiting, she left to go look for him. Trying to find him.

After 120 hours of waiting, she finally found him. In an alley not go far from his high school with alcohol and two bottle of pills. The pills that slipped from his grasp, with the pills that couldn't make it into his body laid. The dry white pills that seemed to speak magnitudes to her, defeating every single thought that used to plague her brothers mind. One bottle were his sleeping pills, the other was his ADHD medication.

She tried shaking him, his skin was stone cold, eyes closed. She shook him frantically, continuously. Refusing to believe what she was seeing. The logical part of her brain was telling her that he was gone, for good. "Brain, wake up. Please wake up." She whispered. "BRAIN, WAKE UP" she screamed, louder. Her entire being didn't want this to be true, her nine year old brain couldn't comprehend what was happening. She couldn't-she wouldn't be the witness to her brother demise.

Her cries were uncontrollable, they echoed off the walls. Her wails, her despair, her anger, her sadness all released. She was shaking with heartache, she didn't want him to be gone. Not now. "Brain, don't leave me. You said you wouldn't leave me" She whispered. His body was too heavy for her to cradle, so she wrapped her arms around his body as her tears streamed down her face.

It was devoid of emotion, everything seemed surreal when the police found her. They brought her home, she almost refused to let him go. But she lacked feeling, so they prised her off his body and placed him in a body bag.

She stayed in bed for most days leading up to his funeral, she refused to eat or go to school. Only moving to go to the bathroom. It was the heart clenching reality that she didn't want to face.

She never wanted to face it.

Never. The numbness infected her entire being and here she discovered that loneliness was a killer too. Breaking you into pieces and throwing you away.

For days she cried, tears of pain and sadness. Allowing her emotions to flow freely. At first her mother let her, but transitioned to snapping at her everytime she refused to eat after the funeral. She pretended as if nothing was wrong, and it made her heart heave. Her dad withdrew as well, not speaking unless spoken too.

But even her dad, played with the emotions at heart. Sometimes staying up late to comfort his daughter into the bed.

Until he passed as well.

She wiped away the forming tears and pushed the underlying emotions down. Don't feel, don't let your emotions rule your head. Logic and science. For a long time, it had been whatever she thought of was right but now it was whether it was logically correct or whether it was scientifically correct. She didn't trust her emotions, they betrayed her too often. Showing herself to be vulnerable and she hated it. She promised not to allow herself to feel pain, not after her brother and especially not after her dad.

[]

Meredith walked out of the room, she could sworn that Cristina had tears building up in her eyes. She would have pushed and asked why but in this case, she barely knew the girl. And she had no intention of messing with her and her intelligent brain.

She walked past dorm room after dorm room, each with students piling up within them. The outside was corridor was clean, coloured in grey instead of white like inside the dormitory. There was a staircase at the end of the hallway along with the elevators. There were pictures hung of former students. The bathroom was easy to find, and as she walked past them. She could see a blonde girl and a dark-browned haired boy in the same dormitory room. The boy looked flustered and embarrassed as he tried to figure out what to do with the rooms. The administrator looked frustrated and blew him off when he told her that it wasn't a big problem. He soon took a deep breath in and walked into the dorm room.

The common room was down the hall, it was cleanly decorated with banners up with the school logo. Pictures hung on the wall as well, and the red sofas looking comfortable. There was a fireplace in the middle of the room, attached to the wall. There were also beanbags and bookshelves filled with literature. The TV was attached to the wall and there was a wooden coffee table in front of it. On the wall, a window similar to hers was against the wall, onlooking the rest of Seattle in the distance.

"Alex Karev" Greeted a boy, who stuck his hand out to greet Meredith.

"Meredith Grey, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too" Alex responded. "So what electives are you taking?"

"Economics, psychology, computer science and french."

Alex tried to suppress a grin, he didn't peg Meredith as someone who would do economics or computer science out off all the electives. To his dismay, Meredith seemed to notice his snicker.

"What?" She snapped, slightly annoyed.

"I didn't think you'd take computer science or economics. Psychology among girls is pretty normal and it's not like you'd do chinese or spanish so…"

Meredith did her best to keep her cool, she preferred not having to blow up at someone and it was barely a day in. "Well, I do those subjects so live with it. What subjects are you taking?"

"Business, geography and history plus spanish." He replied with a sly grin. "The useful subject"

Jackass it is, Meredith thought. And even if Cristina wasn't here, she wished she was. At least she would have someone to talk to instead of standing in an abyss of people she didn't know.

"Which dorm?"

"Dorm 420, you?"

"413" He replied before a group of boys and girls entered. Meredith looked over to see a tall man with what looked like his other guys friends and 3 girls. Alex glanced at what Meredith was looking at. "Oh the Shepherds. They've been here for a very very long time. Since their grandfathers I think."

"How do you know all this?" Meredith asked, her annoyance replaced with slight bewilderedness.

"Don't worry my reaction was the same. My grandfather told me. I come from Iowa so being able to come here is a huge deal."

"Oh, nice" She mumbled. "Are they all related? They look related."

"Uh, Derek, Nancy and Arizona are. Derek and Nancy are blood related but Arizona is adopted. If I remember correctly. The brown haired girl-" he pointed "That's Addison and next to her is Mark the resident whore."

"How do you know all this?" Meredith asked again.

"People talk, a lot" He said with an eye roll. "It was nice meeting you, I guess"

"Nice meeting you too, I think" Meredith said her goodbyes to the man named Alex Karev and was about to head out before Cristina came in.

"Hey, I thought I'd catch you here." Cristina said, out of breath.

"Did you run here?"

"It was just down the hall, come with me." She said, pulling Meredith out of the room.

"What do you want?" Meredith said, exasperated.

"Uh, nothing much. Just thought I'd join you, pop my head in to show the teachers I exsit"

"There's not even any teachers here, you'd think they'd be here but they're not."

"Oh well, it's not like it's much of a loss. Teachers simplify things, black and white. No grey area." shrugged Cristina. "Meet anyone?"

"Yeah Alex Karev… he's interesting to say the least."

"Alex? Oh please, kind of an asshole. You know he was yelling at the administrator for a replacement student pass. Turns out he just misplaced it."

"What a jackass," Meredith said with a small smile, "I knew something was off, never figured a student would yell at the administrator."

"If he yells at a teacher, rest assured, i'm sure our whole class will pull out our phones to start recording it for the Genius Book of Records."

"Yeah for the longest yelling match between teacher and student."

"Does that even exist?" Cristina asked

"Hey you asked," retorted Meredith her smile growing larger as her conversation with Cristina continued. Nothing could beat the back and forth feeling banter between the two of them, she'd never had this with her friends back in Boston.

"I should get going," Cristina said, with a sigh.

"But you just got here!"

"I need to call my mother." Cristina replied drily. "I don't want too but I gotta do what I gotta do. I don't need her chasing me with her broom to hit me."

Meredith gave her a look of sympathy, watching as Cristina disappeared down the hallway into their re-entered the common room after Cristina walked back, rather quickly, to their dormitory. Soon after she went back in, the same blond and dark-brown haired boy walked in. She stayed near the corner, not wanting to draw attention to herself.

The blond smiled and walked towards the couch, introducing herself to the gang of 'Shepherds'. Before cooching up near Alex. She observed them talking, and the blond looked slightly taken aback from the questions that he was asking. She looked over at the group sitting on the sofa. The one named Derek was looking at her, rather curiously.

Rather than staying, she turned to leave before being met by a light grasp by the wrist. She turned to see Derek. He quickly released his hand and stuck it out for a handshake. "Derek Shepherd" He introduced.

"Meredith Grey" She replied, awkwardly shaking his hand.

"So, what's your story?"

"My story-? I don't have a story"

"Just wanted to apologise for staring, I didn't see you during orientations last year when they were leading around the new year 11s."

"I just came from Boston, I only knew I got accepted a month ago"

"Oh, okay."

"Can you let go of my wrist please?" Meredith asked and Derek released his grip on the fair haired girl. "Why'd you grab my wrist?"

"I was going to introduce myself and you were walking away, i'm going for prefect and house captain. Kinda need to know the people here...come sit with my friends."

"No it's fine, i'm just a girl in this school with no story. You should go back, your friends are staring." Meredith said.

He shrugged, "Let them stare."

"I need to, um, go...now" She paused. "Goodbye…" She cursed to herself, in spite of everything she forgot his name.

"-Derek" He supplied.

"Uh, yes. Goodbye Derek." She turned and left the common room trying to burn the images of his perfect hair out of her head.

"Who was that?" Addison asked as Derek walked back to the sofa.

"A Meredith Grey. Never saw her during orientations. Said she's from Boston." he answered, refusing to meet Addison's everlasting gaze.

"You were being awfully nice to her." Mark said, "Care to let me befriend her?"

"She's going to hate you" Derek and Addison said in unison. He rolled his eyes and hope that nobody would see, he was not in the mood for Addison at the moment.

"That's why she's going to like me."

"Like she's going to like you" quipped Addison

"Where's Owen?" Arizona suddenly asked, twirling her hair.

"I don't know actually, last time I talked to him was before we broke out for summer." Derek said before pulling out his phone to text Owen. "I sent him a text, hopefully he'll reply soon."

"We should probably start heading for dinner" Nancy said, without looking up from her book.

"Nancy, it's 6:30." Mark exclaimed

"So? I'm not bothered to hang around year 11s, god. Fresh blood does smell good"

"You are particularly sassy today, care to elaborate?" asked Addison.

"No, I'm tired and pissed off that our mother deployed again. Amelia and Liz are in the younger years, and I doubt they're going to come up on our floor but I don't fancy going down and taking care of them."

"Don't forget about April" She gave a brief scowl at the name "They'll be fine, and me and Arizona will handle it. Alright?" Derek said. He knew that Nancy still had a chip on her shoulder from their fathers shooting a few years back. Even he did, but she held more grudges on April then their father.

"Don't forget about April" She scoffed, "Why not?" Before slamming her book shut and heading out of the common room.

"How has she not forgiven April is my question" Derek sighed, rolling his eyes at his older sister. "Look I get it, but she… she wasn't there okay? I was. Me and Amelia, and i've forgiven April. For fuck sake she needs too-"

"She needs time, Derek" Arizona cut him off. "I'll talk to her."

"She's had 3 years, Ari. Don't you think that's enough?"

"No it isn't, it needs time. I'm roommates with her anyway."

"You two are sisters, relatively speaking" Addison said "Same age, same year, same school. You guys are roommates 247"

"Yeah we are...along with Bailey and Teddy." Arizona replied cheerfully, before turning to her brother. "Let me talk to her okay?"

"Fine, whatever." Derek replied, now slightly aggravated. Why couldn't she just let it go?

"God, I'm roommates with Preston Burke" Mark groaned in exasperation. "He studies all day everyday. Not even much of a roommate"

"If we last long enough, next year is 5 per dorm. Co-Ed as well." Derek quipped up.

"Yeah it is" Arizona said, "But mines has only 4."

"Why, as we go up, we get to share our room with more people? That's kinda counter intuitive don't you think?"

"Yeah but they're afraid that you're going to do the S-E-X" Derek said

"Some people are already doing the S-E-X" Addison stated, gesturing at Mark.

"Hey!" Exclaimed Mark. "Mine's all consensual and safe"

"Sure it is. Consensual maybe, safe I doubt it" Mumbled Addison. "My roommates Callie, which i'm not complaining about"

"I'm rooming with Owen, but if he isn't here. I don't know what's going to happen." He checked his phone and still no reply from his friend.

"We should head to dinner" Arizona suddenly announced, "Uniform to wear, again. And things to unpack."

"You just don't want to hang out with us." Mark smiled.

"You read my mind" She sarcastically replied.

The Shepherd's plus Mark and Addison all left the common room. Going separately into their rooms, Derek passed by the rooms to get to his. 418, he walked past 420 and saw the familiar brown haired girl he met. Meredith Grey. She was just sitting on her bed, on her laptop with earbuds in. She contemplated whether to open the door but in the end decided against disturbing her. What kind of person would just walk into someones else dorm without even knowing them?

He walked into his room and shut the door behind, Owen's empty bed called magnitudes to him. He missed his friend, It was always him and Mark sharing a room but this year he was sharing it with Owen. He was sick and tired with the residents whore late night bringing of ladies from there year group. It was starting to get unbearable to sleep.

His phone pinged and he looked over, expecting to see a text from Owen but realised that it was a message from Mark: You ready in 10? Addie said she can be out in 10. See you outside common room. Reading the text he quickly formulated a reply before another message appeared: I pinged Ari as well but she didn't reply.

He held his phone, quickly replying to the message, Yeah I will be, see you then. Derek placed his phone on the desk, plugging it in before opening his suitcase to reveal his uniform. The white long sleeves shirt was clean, with the occasional wrinkle and the the school logo on the top left hand side of his shirt. He put on the matching black pants while draping the school jacket on top. It was required for formal events, it was blue with gold trims. He put on his shoes and combed his hair, before leaving his room. He'd unpack later.

Mark and Addison were already outside the common room, playing on there phones. Addison had the black skirt on that was a little above her knees, with the same blouse and school jacket on.

"I wish we could just wear out hoodies instead of these abominations" Mark said, making a face.

"I have never agreed with you more" Derek said. Walking towards the staircase, he turned to see Meredith and a petite asian leaving 420. He didn't look for more than a glance, they were talking about something.

 _She_ was something. 

[]

"He took my wrist and everything, and gave me the starry eyes" Meredith whispered as she finished buttoning up her shirt and quickly draped the jacket over her shoulders.

"Uh huh" Cristina nodded. "I still don't get why he grabbed your wrist though"

"Me neither, it's weird isn't it?"

With the few hours they had left in the day, Meredith and Cristina talked more. Becoming friends, companies because everybody needs someone. Even if it was only 1 person. Meredith told her bits and pieces about her mother and Cristina did the same with her history. Leaving out the things that absolutely devastated her.

Being around Meredith was like a breath of fresh air as she started anew. She was no longer that girl whose brother died because of an overdose, or the one who was in a car accident. She was no longer that girl around Meredith. It gave her the opportunity to be normal for once in her life.

Normal was scarce, normal was good.

"Yeah it is, who is it again?"

"Derek Shepherd. He's in our year" Her voice faltered as she caught him going down the stairwell. She composed herself and, hopefully, inconspicuously pointed at where Derek was. "There, the one with the perfect hair."

"Oh that one, they rule every single year. Normally the Shepherd's get at least top 5 in all their classes. Arizona was top of her year last year, followed by Nancy. It was amazing. If they're a Shepherd they're almost guaranteed a place in the top 5. Derek got 3rd in his year."

"How do you and Alex know so much about this place?"

"It's on public record Meredith. You can find it on the gallery on the school website and besides Alex is into gossip. That wasn't gossip, Meredith, no that was public record. Can you believe that they put all the names of the transfers on the website as well. I heard one was a model"

"Okay then"

"And besides, i've been researching this place up and down when I got accepted. I-I was excited to move from California, too much sun." Cristina bit her lip, she wanted to allow herself to move past the death of both her brother and father but she couldn't quite speak it. In truth she just needed to get out of her old school and start anew. She needed to get away from everything that haunted her.

"I used to live in Seattle so I'd see it all the time."

"Nice, why'd you move?" Cristina asked, and she saw Meredith tense slightly. Was she supposed to apologies? "I-I'm sorry?" she managed to stammer out.

"It's fine, I actually don't know why. We just went there, my mother is a surgeon so I assume it was a big offer."

"Your mom's a surgeon?" Cristina asked, intrigued. She'd always wanted to be a surgeon, a cardiothoracic surgeon to be exact.

"Yeah" She said as they descended the staircase to the hall where it was there back to school meal. There were 4 long tables, they plopped themselves in the middle of the 3rd table, waiting for there principle to appear.

Finally he showed up, fixing his suit before welcoming everybody back to school. "I am Dr. Richard Webber. I'll be your temporary principle, no worries your old principle will be back in a few months. Welcome to the school everybody." Then Meredith and Cristina got bored by the random tangent he was going on about bunnies.

Soon he stopped speaking and allowed the students to eat, there was a sudden clash of metal cutlery and lids plopping down. Smells wafted in the air from the food that was made and left underneath the lids.

The blond and brown-haired kid were sitting next to each other, and across the table where Meredith and Cristina was.

Meredith could see Derek in the distance but avoided staring or making eye contact. Listening to Cristina talk about GCSEs were starting to become a bore as well, she hated how everybody looked so happy. How everybody was so carefree without any demons to haunt them.

Within the hall, everybody had 2 parents. They were ordinary, with ordinary parents with ordinary jobs and ordinary lives. While she was living with an overbearing mother who cared more about surgeries than her.

"Are you even listening to me?" Cristina asked, shaking Meredith slightly.

"Yeah…no"

"Figured, GCSEs are boring to talk about."

"I was just thinking that everybody in here is so…normal" Meredith muttured.

"How so?"

"Well to start off, everybody probably has 2 parents with ordinary jobs and ordinary lives and i'll never have that."

Cristina flinched every so slightly before raising an eyebrow but refused to say anything. She wasn't normal either, she emphasised with her phantom pain; she had it herself. But Meredith didn't need to know that. "Uh huh"

"Everybody is ordinary, I want to be ordinary." Meredith said.

Cristina nodded before getting a piece of potatoes. "Normal is overrated". She couldn't believe she just said that normal was overrated, she would do anything to feel normal.

"Sure it is" Meredith replied sarcastically, "Everybody is just so happy."

Cristina just looked at her, as if she stated a stupid thing that everybody would know. "Normal is stupid, normal is overrated. Being ordinary shouldn't be praised." She said before biting her bottom lip. "I'd want to be normal though" She quietly mumbled.

"You're so normal" Meredith mused sadly.

If Cristina could have it any other way, she would have blown a lid. But she forced her emotions down, like she always did. She took a deep breath before replying. "Nope but I wish I was though"

"You're just smart, what's so bad about that?"

"It's not just about being smart, you're smart." Cristina said. In her gut, she knew that Meredith was insanely intelligent. During the time at their dorm, when they were talking about science should would know the answer without hesitation. Her last name also rang several bells, but Cristina couldn't pinpoint from where. She saw her surname before.

"I am not"

"Yes you are"

"You probably are" The brown haired boy mused out loud.

Cristina looked across before his eyes darted downward and burrowed himself into the food in front of him. "Who are you?"

"George O'malley" He said, slouching.

The blond next to George decided to introduce herself as well, sticking out her hand. "Isobel Stevens but everybody calls me Izzie"

Cristina looked up but didn't give an indication that she heard the blond before feeling a sharp slap from Meredith.

"That was rude" Meredith exclaimed before introducing herself "Meredith Grey, nice to meet you"

"Year 11?" Isobel asked. "Me and George are."

"Same with me and Cristina." Cristina looked up and gave a tight lipped smile and a small hello before turning to see that the principle is standing up, ready to talk. Model Cristina thought.

The 4 of them looked up to see him standing on the podium with the teachers behind him. One by one they introduced themselves and Dr. Webber concluded his talk. Wishing them a good year of learning whilst announcing that timetables will be posted tomorrow and that activities sign ups will be available in a week times. "I would also like to announce a new addition I am adding, and hopefully will be staying within the school. There will be a new incentive to introduce the seniors to the professional world, especially the medical field since I am a doctor. However this will only apply to higher years, younger years… well I guess you'd have to wait a few more years. Your former principal will be back the following year or earlier depending on his circumstances. Rest assured, we hope this transition will be as smooth as possible. " There were murmurs from the entire hall before he cleared his throat and continued. "I would also like to remind students that leaving the campus after the hours of 6:30 is not allowed for senior students. Whilst leaving the campus at all either than going to the field is not permitted for younger years. Tutors will be assigned tomorrow, please check your school profile for details of your tutor and timetables. I expect the seniors to take care of the younger years. Year 10-13, I wish you good luck on your exam courses especially year 11s and 13s on your GCSE and iB courses respectively. Good night, you are dismissed."

As dinner came to a close, the students started to make there way up. The staircases being hoarded by confusion on which direction to go. As the crowd died down, the seniors all managed to get to there dormitories. Meredith and Cristina bid farewell to Izzie and George, heading inside. Meredith could see Derek down the hall, laughing and chatting away with his friends.

"You can't seriously be looking at him."

"I'm not" Meredith said, startled that Cristina saw. She quickly pushed into the room.

"You we're looking right at him"

"i'm not" She insisted. "i'm not, okay?"

"Okay" Cristina grinned.

They both got ready for bed, brushing their teeth and washing their face. Cristina wore her Stanford hoodie while Meredith wore a Harvard one.

"I'm going to go to Stanford one day" Cristina mumbled as she climbed into bed.

"You probably will. I'm never going to Harvard, I just have it becomes my moms colleagues got it for me. She works at Mass Gen."

"No way, she works at Mass Gen?" As in Massachusetts General?"

"Yeah that's the one"

"Holy shit Meredith, that is one of the leading hospitals in surgery."

"Yeah I know, but it's not like i'm going to become a surgeon you know?"

"I want to be one" Cristina confessed "A cardiothoracic surgeon."

"Why?" Meredith asked

Cristina debated whether she should tell Meredith about her dad. Meredith was her friend, but someone she barely knew. In the end, she decided against it. "Seems cool" She shrugged.

Meredith could sense the hesitation in Cristinas voice, something happened to her but she didn't want to press the subject. "Okay then."

Both of them laid in a comfortable silence, both were close to drifting off to sleep. "Thank you" Meredith managed to mumble out.

"What?" Cristina ask, groggy voiced.

"For being a friend today. It means a lot." Meredith said, "Good night Cristina"

"Good night Meredith" Cristina slurred, she was sleepy now but she knew later the nightmares would wake her up. She wanted to pray that they weren't going to be active tonight, hoping she could control. And certainly not in front of the new friend she just made. She laid in the bedroom, shrouded with darkness. The cool breeze of the air condition caressed Cristina face, she could hear the gentle snores of her fellow companion. Soon, sleep's outstretched hand reached her causing her to take it, leading her to finally fall asleep


	2. Chapter 2: First Day

**Again, nothing belongs to me. All to Shonda Rhimes and CO. hope you enjoy the next chapter !**

 _/~*~\_

 **Chapter 2: First day**

 _Alone_.

Alone was what he was. Alone protected him and he hated it. _He_ was alone. Part of him thinks it's better this way. Being abandoned and wandering the streets of Seattle by himself, trying to get food. He couldn't contact Derek or Mark for the whole summer in fear of them seeing what he has become.

Owen saw the various messages that Derek and Mark texted him, even some from Addison and Arizona. He had no sudden haste to get back to them. What was the point? He was going to get kicked out of the school anyway, he couldn't pay for tuition next year.

His parents left him, here in Seattle. Alone with nothing except a note saying they're leaving town. He would go back to his house to sleep, cook, bathe but soon it wouldn't be his anymore. He knew his family sold it, indicated from the sold sign in the backyard. He was going in the direction of school but couldn't bring himself to go. He couldn't get past the place where he found her body, sprawled on the floor. Her pale face speaking amplitudes as he tried to push the nauseating feeling that was rising every single time he saw that part of the pavement.

" _It's your fault she disappeared!" His father spat at him. "Your fault!"_

" _How is it Owen's fault?" His mother said, trying to calm her husband down._

" _He left before she came out. Now she's gone, I hope they can bring her back! You are my son, brave. But you're a coward". His father's voice was laced with venom as he spat at his son. Owen had never seen his father this furious, but he had a right to do so. "You're coward Owen, you selfish bastard! Is this how you treat this family? I didn't teach you like this. I served this fucking country, I killed with my bare hands. Don't tell me it was anything less than your fault!"_

" _Stop!" His mother screeched with tears streaming down her face. "Stop."_

 _This was the first time that he's ever heard his father use coarse language at him. Owen felt numb of any emotion, he had looked up and down the city. Running from her friends home to places where his little sister would hangout. But she never came home and Owen didn't wait for her to come out from the school to go home together._

 _There was a slight knock on the door, and his parents rushed to open it. A policeman stood there, with his hat off. Requesting to come into the house._

 _Owen was quickly ushered into his room, but he crouched near the stairwell to hear the conversation._

" _We found a significant blood loss. It's the same type as your daughter, it had drugs and alcohol in it's system" The policeman stated._

" _Do you think she's alive?"_

" _Without a body there's no definitive proof she's dead, Evelyn"_

" _I don't mean to be blunt sir, but with the amount of blood lost. It's unlikely she survived." The policeman's voice was mellow, he gave his condolences and left the house. The shock hit Owen to hard, he felt the tears stream down his face and onto the floor. He quickly wiped away and backed into his room. He could hear his mother's distance wails echoing from his room. Owen burrowed his face into his pillow, releasing his cries._

 _Soon his cries subsided into hiccups then to feeling nothing. His tears were all dried up, and everytime he wanted to cry some more, his tear ducts were too dry for him to do so._

Owen pushed down the memory. It only happened a month and a half ago when he was coming home from the conclusion of Year 10. There was only one to blame, nobody else. Only him, he should have been there to pick his sister up instead of going home by himself. HIs mistake that he would have to live with for the rest of his life.

 _His life, his stupid worthless life._

He pulled out his phone and decided to finally reply to Derek's texts, his barrage of random assortments of texts. Wondering if he was free or if he wanted to do this. The latest one was asking where he was. _Home_. He texted and stuffed it into his pocket.

His phone instantly pinged. _Home? Why?_

 _Stuff, come. Bring food._ Owen texted back, he wanted to be discreet. He needed to be discreet.

 _Okay_. Was Derek's only reply.

And now he waited for Derek's arrival. He knew it was the start of the school day meaning that Derek would come later, hopefully alone. He didn't fancy talking to Mark or Addison.

Now he waits.

/~*~\

Meredith and Cristina awoke to the sun spilling in through the massive windows, calling them to awaken. The day had barely started, they weren't due into class until 8:00 and both of them awoke without alarms plus the fact that it was only 7:00.

"Gross, can you switch off the sun?" Meredith groaned.

"No, can you?"

"No"

Meredith pulled herself up and dragged herself to slide the curtains closed. Cristina was already flipping open one of her textbooks open to read.

"How do you have enough cognitive function to read that in the morning?"

"It wakes me up, i'll get coffee when you wake up cause I don't know where the coffee cart is."

"Urgh okay, I don't think I can go back to bed." Meredith curses before slamming her head down into her pillow. "Dammit sun"

"Are you normally this cranky in the morning?"

"Only when the sun wakes me up."

"Can we go get coffee?"

"Yes."

"Then hurry up then!" Cristina said, throwing a pillow at Meredith.

"Fine, let's please get coffee." Meredith said scrambling up. She grabbed a her hoodie and threw Cristinas hers and headed downstairs to the cafe.

There were some students waiting in line, all dressed in uniform while some were in there pajamas sipping there hot drinks. The both of them lined up, Meredith ordered a mocha latte while Cristina ordered a latte with soya milk.

They sipped there hot beverages as they headed back to there room. The instant rush of caffeine now fueling their body, they were ready for there first day of school. Breakfast was a bore, all they did was grab a piece of bread and some more coffee whilst looking at there timetable."

"Crap, I have economics first" Meredith groaned.

"I have history first." Cristina stated. "It's not bad, the teacher I got. Best history teacher in our school. Who's your econ teacher?"

"Someone named Mr Muhab."

"Oh, tough luck. Not many fancy him here"

I can tell, he doesn't look any good. Wish me luck."

"Yeah you're going to need it. But look on the bright side we have tutor first. Whose yours? I have Bailey. You know her daughter goes here. "

"'The Nazi'? Me too."

"How do you know who the nickname 'The Nazi'?"

"People talk" Meredith shrugged.

"You have 'The Nazi' as a tutor as well?" George said as he slid opposite to the pair of them with Izzie followed closely behind. "So do I, at least we'll be tortured together right?"

Cristina gave a strained smile as she sipped her coffee. Meredith looked at him as she never met him before the memory came back that they met the previous night.

"I'm George O'malley. We met last night. You were wearing the uniform" He managed to stammer out, Cristina looked away as she took sudden interest in the table while Meredith gave him a small smile. "Now you think I'm gay." He muttered.

"Meredith, we should head to tutor, it's nearly time." Cristina says.

"Uh, I-I'm not gay it's just that you were very unforgettable you know" He stammered.

Meredith gave him another smile before following Cristina. She saw George and Izzie follow closely behind. They turned onto the second floor corridor and made there way into their tutors classroom, other students started to stream in as well. The four of them walked in to see about eight other students, sitting separately in there social groups.

They made there way to a back table, waiting for there tutor to come in. A minute later, a short teacher waddled in, slamming her books on the desk.

"That's 'The Nazi'?" Cristina whispered sharply.

"I thought 'The Nazi' would be a guy" George replied quietly

"I thought 'The Nazi' would be a nazi" Meredith quipped.

"Maybe it's professional jealousy. Maybe She is brilliant and they call her 'Nazi' because they're jealous. Maybe she's nice." Izzie stated.

"Let me guess, you must be the model" Cristina mused. Isobel shot her a glare as she sat up straighter at her desk, waiting for there tutor to start talking.

"I have 5 rules, memorise them." She exclaimed loudly. "Rule one: Don't bother sucking up, I already hate you." She said with a glare towards Izzie. "Every coursework goes through me. You'll answer every email from everyone. That's rule number two." She said, looking down her her papers, before looking at the four of them directly. "You're school year starts now and since all of you are transfers you guys are grunts, nobodies. Bottom of this schools food chain. You do all the homework and all the extra work until you drop from sleep deprivation. And DON'T COMPLAIN" She exclaimed loudly. "Tutor rooms, be here during tutor and if you have free period. Which brings me to rule number three If i'm in here teaching or working, don't disturb me."

"Then what's the point of our tutor room?" George whispered, Bailey suddenly looked up and George slouched down trying to avoid her gaze.

"Rule number four: Don't disturb me unless it's an emergency and you better not have plagiarized off some website. Are we clear?" Bailey said with her deadly glare.

Meredith raised up her hand and waited for Bailey to notice. She nodded in irritation, signalling for her to speak. "You said there were five rules. That was only four."

"When you have class, get to class" She said. "Now go! You're already late."

The 4 of them ushered out, pushing out of there tutor room and getting to class. None of them bothered to look back. They weren't even bothered to say goodbye before turning the corner and going to there respective lessons.

Meredith turned to the business and economics floor with George closely behind her, she walked into her classroom, bidding George a slight farewell and saw that the teacher arrived yet. She sat near the front, and in the corner saw Mark and Derek sitting in the corner. _Oh boy, this was going to be a long lesson._ She thought.

/~*~\

Derek saw her come in, he never figured her as someone who would take economics. He glanced at her, zoning out from the conversation about whatever girl that Mark was talking about. Mark seemed to notice and flipped his head to see what Derek was staring at.

"It's the Grey girl. From Boston"

"Meredith" Derek corrected. "Her name is Meredith."

"Do you like her?"

"No, I don't. I mean she seems cool but not in the way you're thinking" In truth, Derek was finding Meredith weirdly fascinating. She was pretty, there was no denying it. But there was something behind her calm stance and attitude. It was finally something interesting he could delve into.

"Did you get a text from Owen?" Mark asked.

"Yeah I did, he said to go to his home after school. So i'm going to go do that" Derek replied, still looking at Meredith.

"Dude, stop staring it's creepy. Why go to his home?"

Derek broke his gaze away just as the teacher walked in. "I don't know, i'm going after our final period. His house is nearby so it shouldn't be a huge problem."

"Okay, I would ask to go but I have this date with a girl in the year above and I need to score"

"Whatever, you do you" Derek said with an eye roll.

"Okay then."

"Oh god no" Derek said suddenly realising what he said out loud. "Go away, don't do it here. Dirty fucker."

"Literally" He grinned.

"For fuck sake. Shut up, he's talking."

There two hours of class whizzed by, and Derek still didn't learn jack shit from there teacher. He rambled on and on about some random economic example that wasn't relevant to their current unit. And he barely touched on the useful things that was required. He walked out of there first class of the day, more tired than he was to begin the 8 hour day.

"That class was utter bullshit" Mark said, with his bag slouched over his shoulder. "I'm surprised I got as high as I did on the internal."

"Who got higher?" Derek said with a sly grin.

"By a mark Derek, and remember that you got third in our whole year."

"And what did you get Mark Sloan?"

"Fifth but that's okay, I got something extra on the side as well"

"Okay, we don't need to start this." Derek muttered as he walked towards Arizona and Addison.

"How was your first lesson?" Arizona chirped.

"Boring, Muhab is essential a fossil."

"Psychology wasn't any better" Addison grumbled.

"What did you have first period?" Derek asked Arizona. But his older sister seemed distracted, he clicked his fingers in front of his face and saw that her gaze was focused elsewhere. "Ari?"

She quickly snapped back. "W-what?"

"What was your first class?"

"Free period" Arizona said. "Anyway, I have to go grab by Math book from the dorm. I forgot it in the morning." And she left the three friends together.

"What was Arizona looking at?" Mark remarked.

"None of your business." Addison said, flipping through her bag. "What lesson do we have next?"

"English" Mark and Derek said in unison.

"Fuck, I didn't finish reading _Oliver Twist._ " Addison muttered.

"Addie, it's fine. You read more than 3 over the summer."

"Just as well, it was kinda boring."

"At least we're all in the same english class."

"That's just unfortunate." Addison said as she shook her head at the two boys. And he couldn't agree more with her statement. The bell rang overhead as they headed to there english classroom on the fifth floor. He saw the asian and Meredith huddled together, making there way to there english classroom.

Mark looked at his schedule and opened the door for his friends. "You're being awfully unMark today." Addison commented. "Who's the unlucky victim?"

He shrugged, "Someone in the year above."

"Ah, see. It's never without reason"

They walked into the classroom to see Meredith and the asian in there as well along with a brown haired boy and a blond haired girl.

"Mark you have a date." Addison slapped her friend in the arm. "Stop staring at the blond that's near the Meredith Grey girl."

There english teacher suddenly walked in and Derek knew that it was going to be another 4 hours of lessons until he could go see Owen. He hated that all his classes were double period, it was irritating. He wanted to skip the first day and just take the bus to go see Owen and get away from Mark's constant talk of hot girls that Derek had absolutely no interest in.

"Derek? Are you even paying attention?" Addison sharply whispered.

"Yes...no" He replied, dazed.

"What's wrong?"

"Owen, i'm worried about Owen." He muttered.

"Derek? Is there something you would like to add?" their english teacher asked.

"No, nothing. I'm sorry" He replied.

"Then I suggest you be quiet while we analyse these anthology texts." Derek only nodded and the teacher continued to speak contenly. Explaining different analysis techniques. Derek hoped that he could copy off Mark's annotations later, because he couldn't think of a single thing.

 _Owen._ He was worried about Owen.

If only Owen was nothing to worry about, but he was. It wasn't nothing, it was something. A very big something.

/~*~\

"God, it's so annoying. He's in all my classes, i'm not even kidding." Meredith said, clearly frustrated. She had finished her last lesson of the day which was French and for the third time today, she saw Derek in her classes. "Why can't he just go away?"

"You know we can't control timetables or class allocations, you know that right?" George said, as he sat by the windowsill in Meredith and Cristina's room.

"Yes I know that" Meredith snapped. "It's just, it's like this school is trying to make me blow my lid you know?"

"He might not be in your math class you know-" George began before Meredith cut him off.

"Oh to hell if he's in my math class. I might actually disintegrate."

"-or science class for that matter." George said, looking at Meredith. "Who's your science teacher anyway?"

"Mr Williams for Physics, Ms Anders for Chemistry and Mr Nelson for Bio. I hope he's in none of my science classes."

"You'll find out tomorrow then, the weird science rotation things. I have the same teachers as you."

"Yeah so do I" Izzie said perking up. "How about you Cristina?"

"Same teachers" She grumbled. "What science do you have tomorrow?"

"Chemistry" The other three said in unison before looking at each other.

"Fuck I'm in all my sciences with you guys?" She said in a mock complaint tone.

"We're going to be science and english buddies." Izzie said.

"Oh lord, help me" Cristina mumbled. "Tell me when you're going to stop talking about McDreamy and we can start our english annotations." Cristina said, rolling onto her bed.

"McDreamy?" They all asked with raised eyebrows.

"What? You guys are going on about boys and boys, I figured putting on a stupid nickname would make you snap out of it. Obviously not."

"That's never going to happen, Cristina. She's been talking about Der-, I mean, McDreamy for about 30 minutes now and she doesn't look like shes stopping any time soon." Izzie mused with a small laugh. "Besides it's not due until Friday, we have time."

"Yeah but I want to read my other books, rather do this quick and dirty."

"Is that your preference?" Izzie asked.

"What?"

"Quick and dirty" Izzie repeated.

"No, still a virgin. What the fuck, where you come from people lose it at 15?"

"Welcome to Washington." She smiled. "Haven't lost mine yet, still waiting for the right guy."

"At this rate, the amount of times he was just staring at me. I don't think i'm virgin anymore, the eye sex is just-"

"-Stupid" Cristina interrupted. "Now can we do our english?"

"Yes we can" George said, pulling out his book and lying on the floor. "Meredith come on,"

"Fine" She grumbled, laying on the wooden floor.

"Why do it on the floor when you have the bed?" Cristina stated, starting to annotate her work.

George and Meredith shrugged whilst Izzie pulled out the chair for the desk. "If you complain about back pain tomorrow, don't bitch to me"

"Don't bitch to me too." Cristina said, not looking up from her work.

"Fine" George and Meredith said in unison as they sprawled on the floor with a rainbow of highlighters besides them.

/~*~\

As soon as the bell rang, Derek rushed out of the French classroom. Trying to ignore the countless looks he was getting from everybody else, he scrambled upstairs to change out of his uncomfortably tight uniform into something more comfy.

"What are you doing?" Addison asked as she burst into the dorm. "Running off before the teacher handed out homework. Are you trying to get in trouble?"

"You know i'm not Addie, i'm going to go see Owen." Derek explained. "He asked me to meet him at his house but curfew is at 6:30 and you know how the teachers feel when we leave the school grounds."

"God Derek, you could have told us." Addison said, "Here's the French worksheet by the way" Placing the french worksheet on his desk. "I've been meaning to ask you…?"

"I'm not in the mood Addison, what is it though?"

"Are we okay?" she asked, slightly hesitant but Derek interrupted her, knowing that he'd have no time to check on his younger sisters. His jumbled up words made its way into a coherent sentence, somehow.

"Can you ask Ari to check on Amelia, Liz and April?" Derek asked as he shoved his wallet and some food into his bag. "I'll be back before curfew and hopefully with Owen-"

"You still haven't answered my question." she cut in. "I'm also coming with you"

"-you need to tell Arizona. But you can't tell her why, the minute she worries all things turn to shit… you're not coming with me" He said in a low voice. "You're not coming with me Addison."

"He's my friend too Derek."

"I know, precisely why you're not going. Just stay here, i'll be back. He asked me to come, and I suspect alone. I'll text you when i'm there okay?"

"You still haven't answered my question."

"What question?"

"Are we okay?"

"Yes, okay we're fine. I think. Just stay here okay?"

"Fine, but stay safe."

"I will Addie" Derek said, he hesitated slightly. "I will" He gave her a reassuring smile and left his dorm room, running down the stairs to get to the bus stop. He was about to dash out before the receptionist called him back inside, demanding to see his student card and registering that he was leaving campus.

"Note that you have to be back before 6:30" She said, handing him a piece of paper authorising him off campus.

"Yeah okay, thanks" He said, his words scrambled in the haste he was trying to get out the school. He caught the bus as it was rolling out from the station, he scrambled aboard and waited until he arrived back into the city of Seattle. The school and the city weren't far, a 30 minute drive maximum. He could see Owen's home creeping up, and he pushed the button- asking it to stop- and he got off. There was a red sign saying 'FOR SALE' in his front yard, which got Derek puzzled.

He knocked on the door, waiting for Owen to come or at least his parents to come answer the door. A minute later, Owen came to open it. He looked much dirtier in comparison to the last time he saw him. He looked scruffier, messier and somehow buffer. The eyebags under his eyes were unmistakable, but he still looked reasonably well.

"Owen, what is going on?"

"Nice to see you too Derek, come in."

"Sorry it's just you haven't been replying my texts or my calls. And you look like shit and there's the sign outside saying-"

"'For sale'. I know." He said gruffly. " A lot has happened, my parents lease expired on the house. They just put the sign up."

"Where are your parents by the way?"

"Gone, they left." Owen replied, his voice growing hard at the memory.

"Okay yeah, i'm not following, start from the beginning… If you can, if you can't then… I have some food"

"Food's good." He sighed taking the some of the food that Derek brought. "Megan...Megan's dead."

Derek tried to control his shock but his face betrayed him, morphing from shock into sadness. He knew about her problems, they were real; too real.

"She's gone" Owen choked back a sob "She disappeared first. Then they found her blood then her body with cuts on her arms. She was coming home, they found her body so near our home." Owen said in a hoarse whisper, his voice mellow now. He could feel the tears starting to form, he pushed them back and forged on. "Then one day, they asked me if I wanted to leave. They were all packed, they said they were leaving but I didn't think it was real. So I stayed and I came back from the grocery store, they were gone. Except a note on my bed." There was something tugging at his mind, he excluded things from his brief summer of how his life turned to shit in 2 months.

' _No, he will not know.'_ The voice in his head said. And Owen agreed.

They sat in silence, Derek tried to take the whole story in. He couldn't believe that Owen's parents would just leave him. Drop everything and leave, it wasn't like that. He had his fair share of a parent running away, but not to this extent.

"Owen, i'm so sorry."

"I hate that I get why they left, because of her. I still feel her ghost haunting me, staying with me. It was my fault that she did it, Derek" Owen said, his tears streaming down his face now. "It was all my fault, if I was there… if I was there she wouldn't-" He choked back a sob as Derek tried to think of a way to comfort his friend.

"Owen, it's not your fault. Okay? It isn't."

"That's why I haven't been answering your texts or calls. I didn't know how i'd say that I can't go to school anymore. How my parents jump ship and left me. I still have this year, and then i'm gone from Seattle Grace."

"You could always get a scholarship, you're smart enough for that." Derek knew it to be true. He, Owen and Mark got top 5 in there year. It certainly wouldn't be difficult for him to get it but whether or not he's willing to come back to school and get the scholarship was another thing.

"I want to go back, Derek. I really do." Owen said quietly.

"I know you do, we can go now."

"Maybe"

"Or we can just sit here and then go. But curfew is at 6:30."

"Huh, did you come all the way here to drag me back to school." Owen said, giving him a small smile. His tears still haven't quiet dried yet. For the whole summer he tried to come to terms with the fact that he was alone, with no family left. And it left his heart empty of anything, there's a void that needed to be filled in. When his parents decide to pack up their belongings and leave, they packed his heart away, robbing him of any chance to become happy.

"Maybe… they all miss you Owen. They might be assholes but they all miss you."

"They're not all assholes" Owen said looking over, to see Derek's shallow look. "Okay maybe some of them."

"There are 5 transfers this year."

"That many? I've never had a year 11 class with 5 transfer, it's never been heard of."

"Tell me about it, there's this one girl. She's very pretty."

"Prettier than Addie?" Owen smirked, it was nice to have a friend around.

"I think so." Derek agreed, "I think she is…i'm sorry about Megan. She didn't deserve it but you… you don't deserve this either."

Owen stayed quiet, he had nothing to say. His sister was dead and his family was gone. There was nothing to say or do. "I'm sorry about Megan too." His voice came out hoarse, ragged.

"Come home Owen…" Derek said softly. "Come home."

 _Home_

Owen didn't have a home, this used to be his home where his family was. But it broke apart, like he was. This wasn't his home anymore, deep down he knew it was never his home. Between his family and himself, his home was where his friends were. _Home_ was where he belonged, and he wasn't there.

"Home…" He repeated. The word didn't seem to fit, it seemed unusual and abnormal.

"Yes, home"

"Yes, i'll come home." Owen said, looking up. "I'll come home."

/~*~\

He found himself walking back to the bus stop with the sun starting to descend. The colours starting to seep in as they got onto the bus. They were distance apart in a comfortable silence. Derek was still trying to process the information that Owen had told him, how his sister had died and how Owen was, essentially, homeless. After a few stops they arrived at school, with Owen's limited number of bags around each other there shoulders.

Walking into the building should have made any student feel terrible, but to, Owen it was relief. He saw the sky grow dark as the sun started to fall asleep, ready to retire for the night.

"Ready?"

"Ready" Owen said, as his grip on his bags tightened as he walked past the threshold to get to school.

"Come on, let's go. You're dorming with me this year." Derek said with a smile.

Owen felt himself light up, no more random people to dorm with. "You couldn't have told me this sooner right?"

"And ruin the fun? No way."

"Cruel man. Whose Mark bunking with?"

"Preston Burke" Derek responded. "He's going to have a thrilling time with him. He barely talks and he studies 24/7."

"I want to see Mark attempting to sleep with someone while Burke's in the room." Owen smirked.

"At least I can get real sleep this year" Derek said, as they walked up to there dormitory. "You know I heard he's actually a pretty arrogant ass."

"He's might be arrogant but you can't deny that he's smart. Top of our year for 3 years now." Owen said with an exasperated sigh. "And it's always by miles."

"I mean, internals were just bad. He beat me by 3 marks in our physics." Derek said. "And I don't even want to get started with bio." Derek was complaining now and it felt good to rant about something with Owen.

"They're just internals" Owen said, as Derek opened the door. It was a clean room, finally, and Owen had the bed near the window like he'd always liked.

"Welcome home Owen" Derek said softly. He saw his friend exhale slowly, looking around at the room. This was probably the cleanest room that he's been in for months and it occurred to Owen that this would be the last time where he could see Owen in such amazement. He heard his bag plop down onto the floor and the squeaking of the mattress.

"It's… home" Owen whispered. He hadn't had this luxury after his parents left, he would clean and cook but never to the cleanest state.

"Get cleaned up, we have dinner in an hour."

"Home" Owen whispered. "I'm home"

"Owen?" Derek asked, lightly touching his friends shoulder.

"Y-yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yes, I think so" Owen observed. "God it's nice being back."

"You've only been back for less than an hour, wait until we get into classes tomorrow."

"I'll be thrilled to be back" Owen confessed. "Hey Derek, can you come with me tomorrow? To see the principle. I need to see what requirements I need to get the scholarship."

"Always, Hunt"

"Much thanks, Shepherd"

/~*~\

"I swear, I might actually lose my shit if he's in my math class tomorrow" Meredith said.

"Yes we know!" The other three said in unison. They've been hearing Meredith rant about McDreamy longer than it took them to complete there annotations for english.

"Meredith, can you just stop and think about it. You've been going on and on about him or whatever but just think about it. Do you think he's going to be in your math class?"

"He was top 5 in his year group last year. And i'm doing higher level math-"

"Everybody is doing higher level math" Izzie frowned. "What class are you in? Early entry?"

"I'm in early entry." Meredith said.

"Well so are me and George. How about you Cristina?"

"I am as well, I swear if we're in the same class as you guys for math I might actually need to move states again" She sarcastically remarked. "So teacher? I have Mr Stroustrup."

"Same" Said George and Izzie. "How about you Meredith?"

"Same teacher."

"God, I can't escape you guys" groaned Cristina.

"Do you have a heart?" Izzie asked. "Are you so cold all the time?"

"I'm cold because the aircon is on full blast and it's at 16 degrees in here. I'm talking celcius here not fahrenheit"

"Oh forget I said anything" Izzie mumbled, her annoyance with the asian dissolves slightly. "On the flip side, Meredith. If he is in your class we'll be there so if he gives you the 'sex eyes' we'll stare him down."

"Uh huh" Meredith said. "Thanks guys."

"Yeah, yeah sure." Cristina mused, finally getting up from the bed. "Should we head to dinner or sit here and yap about a boy?"

"Dinner sounds good" Meredith said, getting up. "We're in the cafeteria right?"

"Mhm" George responded. "Hall is only for formal dinners"

As they headed down for dinner, Meredith prayed to herself that she wouldn't see Derek. She quickly grabbed a plate and headed towards the food with Cristina, Izzie and George. Meredith could see Alex in the distance, talking with a redhead. They seemed to be enjoying themselves. They quickly got there meals and found an area near the back of the cafeteria to eat.

"You know you're going to have to come to terms that in fact that you're going to see him around." George pointed out while stuffing a piece of meat into his mouth.

"I mean he does have a point" Cristina said, stabbing her greens.

"Do you have to be so violent with your food?" Izzie asked in slight dismay.

"Yes' Cristina threw back. Her nonchalant attitude was starting to get on the nerves of Izzie, it wasn't though she wasn't smart but she just seemed so robotic.

"Didn't your parents teach you manner?" She asked, glaring. "Cause I think they should, you'll need them or maybe you were just a troubled child and they couldn't"

Cristina stopped eating, everything around her seemed to stop. _Don't cry, you absolute idiot._ She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, the blond in front was talking but Cristina couldn't register it. She felt blood flow from her head and expected it to drip, she reached up to touch it but there was nothing.

 _Dammit Izzie Stevens_ , Cristina cursed.

"Cristina? What's going on?" Meredith asked, slightly shaking her. "Why are you touching your head?"

That seemed to be enough for Cristina to snap out of her dazed state. "Just…leave me alone." She said, getting up from the table. She needed to be alone and she knew she had eyes on her as she ran from the cafeteria. She just needed to think, away from everybody.

Her arms snaked around her body as she walked out, trying to ignore the piercing stares she was getting from everybody. She felt herself bump into somebody else, turning around she hurriedly apologized, she didn't even bother looking up. "Sorry." She mumbled out before turning the corner and up the flight of stairs. _Don't cry,_ she urged herself. She felt the careful demeanor that she put up slowly breaking away. In truth she couldn't believe something as easy as the word 'Parents' could make her feel like she's back there again. Pushing down any ounce of emotion she had, she can't… she won't go through this again. The pity, the sympathy. No, not again.

 _Not again_.

/~*~\

"How is he Mark? Any good small talk?" Owen asked as he descended the flight of stairs to go to the cafeteria.

"God, Hunt. Don't even get me started on him. He doesn't talk or respond to small talk and if i'm doing my work he comes over and correct me." Mark grumbled. "I have no idea how i'm going to tolerate him for an entire year."

"I would volunteer myself, but I have a good roommate this year."

"Lucky bastard Hunt"

"More like lucky me" Derek quipped, "I don't have to deal with your late night endeavours with woman."

"Whatever, i'll just talk to the wall to prevent myself from losing my sanity"

The 3 of them got closer to the door of the cafeteria, they were supposed to meet the rest of their friends here. Owen was more than excited as he walked towards the door, before colliding with another person. She was quick to rush out, he could hear her apology as she walked at a fast pace towards the direction of the dorms. Her ebony curls cascading down her shoulder, Owen didn't catch a face. "Who was that?"

"One of the transfers I think. Uhm, Cristina Yang, if I remember correctly from the register during english."

"Yeah it's Yang." Mark agreed.

"Huh" was Owen's only response.

They got into the cafeteria and went straight for the dinner line before spotting there friends in the corner of the room.

"Owen!" Addison and Arizona called out, shuffling over to provide space for the 3 boys.

"Hey Addie, Ari. How are you?" Owen asked politely. "Where's Teddy and Callie?"

"I'm fine thanks, Teddy and Callie have a meeting. Teddy for student council and Callie has one for the 'advocation of human rights'" Addie responded. "How about you?"

"I'm… fine, I guess" Owen knew he had to keep it vague, he didn't need his whole friend circle to know about his… sister.

"Where's Megan? Is she coming back too? We've been told that she's on temporary leave." Arizona asked. Owen felt the tears brimming but pushed the feeling down. He felt his fingernails dig into his palm to prevent himself from doing anything stupid.

"She's… she's on leave. I think she's moving schools" Owen struggled with his words. He could feel Derek's stares as he responded to Arizona's question.

"Oh, shame. Amelia was asking for her." Arizona chirply responded "Hope she's doing well."

"Yeah, I hope so too…" Owen shoved a few pieces of vegetables into his mouth. Trying to distract himself from the phantom pain that seemed to be creeping over his body.

"So… " Derek began, trying to break the awkwardness that seemed to encapsulate the table. "Anything interesting?"

"No, nothing interesting about iB" Arizona said. "Higher level bio is fun though."

"Higher level bio is fun" Nancy agreed. "But i'm not thrilled with taking higher level spanish."

"Why didn't you just take standard level?" Derek asked

"Cause, I don't want to take higher level physics" Nancy quipped.

"Stop complaining then" responded Derek.

"I saw a girl today, In your year Nancy" Interrupted Mark.

"Do tell Mark Sloan, the resident whore" Nancy said, leaning forward. Owen wasn't all that interested in gossip but if it was about Mark Sloan and his string of woman, Owen would always slightly interested. He started describing a girl with black hair, before Owen drifted out of the conversation. His thoughts jumped to the girl that bumped into him while she was making her way out of the cafeteria. He wondered what would make someone rush out in a quick haste, without looking back when speaking to someone. Before his mind could elaborate, he pushed the thought down and realised that his friends were making a small toast, with soda, that they were all back at Seattle Grace. In one piece, even if he was so close to breaking.

This was his home, with his friends. And nothing could replace that.


	3. Chapter 3: Thinking Beyond

**So here's chapter 3 of Boarded In, hopefully it's okay. First C/O moment** **here but I just wanna inform you guys that it will be a bit of a slow burn but I will do my best to write it. I do realise there might be some confusion with the family tree, especially** **along the Shephered's side hopefully i've explained it well enough, teehee. Also disclaimer, I didn't get the idea of Arizona and April** **being siblings (or adopted siblings) with Derek- it belongs to ducky48 (only the siblings thing tho, the backstory I wrote from scratch. +Grey's Anatomy doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Shonda Rhimes and Co.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this chapter, hopefully it isn't utter trash. :)**

/~*~\

The table was silent as they saw Cristina disappear out of the cafeteria door. Izzie and George sat with a slight shock, before Izzie rolled her eyes and continued eating. None of them expected her to just walk out of the room. Everything was fine one minute before everything turned to shit.

"What… what just happened?" Meredith asked. She placed her fork down and looked at Izzie and George. George was just as puzzled as Meredith while Izzie just continued eating.

"Just let he be, she's just being cold and robotic."

"You barely know her" Meredith said, as much as she didn't know Cristina very well, she knew something happened to her or at least this wasn't the 'Cristina' that Meredith knew.

"You barely know her as well" Izzie snapped back. "She's completely detached, studying and more studying"

"Izzie, she's our friend."

"She's _your_ friend. I don't get her, i've tried to be nice but she's always just replying with sarcasm. You'd be lying if you didn't say it was annoying" Izzie responded sharply.

"No I wouldn't and I like her sarcasm because where I come from, people don't even try and brighten your day and maybe she isn't your favorite person but like it or not, you're going to be around her for 3 years if you want to be friends with me. So let's go see if she's okay." Meredith replied sharply. As she was getting up she saw Derek and his group of friends walk into the cafeteria. "Fuck" she cursed, the last thing she needed was the boy who was seemingly infatuated with her. "Please don't tell me he's walking towards us."

"Hate to tell you, but he's walking towards us." George whispered indignantly. "Should we go?"

"Yes, yes we should." Meredith said, getting up.

"But we haven't even finished our food" Izzie slightly whined. She had no urge to go and checkup on Cristina. They weren't even friends, so what was the point?

"Izzie, you can stay or go. But you saying that Cristina is cold while you're sitting here and not seeing if she's okay, is colder."

Isobel Stevens was in no way cold, at least not without effort. She knew what it was like to grow up with crap, she was never over compensated and never lacked compassion. Overly attached would be an understatement to describe her, everybody within this school didn't have to go through the life she had before coming here. And it was the same for Cristina: taking things for granted. She wouldn't deny that she might have been harsh. _No. You weren't, you were only asking about her parents. Nothing more._ She concluded to herself, she wasn't being harsh, Cristina was just being rude and cold.

"Izzie" George said, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Let's go"

"No, you go. I'm sitting here and eating my food," she intoned

"Fine" Meredith chided, slightly annoyed at the lack of empathy that Izzie was giving Cristina. "We'll go then." She tugged onto Georges arm and walked out, avoiding the gaze of Izzie and Derek. "Come on George."

George seemed to be struggling on who to follow, but in the end trailed behind Meredith giving a sympathetic look towards Izzie. "Should we go to your dorm?" He asked, trying to walk out at Meredith's speed.

"I think that's where she would be" Meredith answered. "I can't believe Izzie would do that, calling Cristina cold."

"I mean she does have a point, Cristina hasn't been the nicest person." George pointed out. "I can take it, I have 2 older brothers. They're all absolutely idiots, I only got in here with a scholarship." Meredith seemed to only partially register the fact that George was talking and gave a slight nod before lunging up the staircase two at a time.

"Cristina might not be the nicest person, but she's my friend. And I know I barely know her but she's not cold- she's realistic." Meredith remarked. "Besides, she seems to know her shit."

"Considering all of us are in early entry math and single award science, I think all 4 of us are pretty well rounded" George observed, trailing behind Meredith. They slowed down as the reached the top stairwell, taking their time. "I've dealt with worse but Izzie grew up in a trailer park, she knows when people are taking things for granted- and maybe she thinks that Cristina is taking advantage of something."

"Taking advantage of what?" Meredith questioned, "There's nothing to take advantage _off_ and what would Cristina be taking for granted?"

"As I said, just an observation. It might be incorrect. Izzie talks a lot, and by a lot I mean alot. We're roommates, we talk."

"I honestly can't believe that she thinks that Cristina is just doing this because she wants to do this."

"People think what they want to think" George said plainly. They slowly arrived at the dormitory door and Meredith lightly knocked on it. But no response came, she felt the cold metal as she wrapped her hand around the doorknob to pry open the door.

"Cristina?" Meredith called into the room. "Are you okay?"

They heard no immediate reply and walked in to see Cristina on her bed with earplugs in her ears, reading a textbook. Cristina didn't see them straight away and continued reading the book on cardiothoracic surgery.

"Cristina? Are you okay?" George repeated, walking towards her. When Cristina finally took notice, she looked up with her hazel eyes still stained with red. Internally, she hoped that Meredith and George didn't see her strained eyes whilst they were standing a few metres away. Her earplugs lodged themselves out and she tucked them away, and silently closed her textbook as she faced her friends.

"Yeah, i'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" She was really trying to sell the, 'I-don't-feel-any-emotion' thing. Her fingers began wandering down to the folded page of her book, creeping into the slits; prepared to open to read once again.

"You just, ran off" George said, looking at the floor.

"So are you okay?"

"Yes, how many times do I have to say it? I just remembered that I had homework to do." Cristina was throwing any excuse she had at them so they could leave the room. "It's not a big deal, you know. I'll be down tomorrow."

"Okay then… uhm... " George stuttered slightly. "You might-uhm- need to talk to... "

"Spit it out George, the stuttering is getting old" Cristina prompted.

"You might need to apologise to Izzie" George let out a instant sigh of relief after he said it. It wasn't that he didn't like Cristina, in all honesty, he was more scared of her then anything.

"Apologise? To Izzie?" Cristina said. If anything, Izzie should be the one apologising but the last thing she needed was the whole school to know that she lost her brother and then her dad. Cristina Yang, didn't need the pity or the sympathy. She couldn't go through the whole ordeal again- the memories resurfacing, the pitied glances, apologies and condolences or the sleepless nights she would get remembering and reliving everything that happened. She didn't need it, not now and certainly not in the near future. "I'm not apologising to her."

"She thinks you're taking things for granted." George said in a low voice. "I think it's best if you just get it over and done with. Apologise so we can all go back to normal. It's only the 2nd day of knowing one another. I prefer not to fight"

Cristina struggled with the underlying decision of apologising to the person that made her night a shit one. On one hand, she wanted to refuse and just sit in her room and read- that seemed like the rational option while another part of her is telling her to apologise for her actions. Cristina wasn't being particularly violent, only stabbing her greens. What was the problem? What was the most logically option out of the two? She hated making decisions with her emotions to guide her, they weren't worth anything in the end. _Logic and Science_ , Cristina focused on the two words that drove her to do everything. Logic and science, never in any case is emotion included as a viable decision maker. "I didn't do anything wrong" She replied bluntly.

"Well Izzie seems to think you did" Meredith spoke up. "I would just get it over and done with."

"I'm not going to apologise for something that I didn't do wrong" Cristina plainly replied. "I used sarcasm and I stabbed my vegetables, what is her problem?"

Meredith just looked at George who promptly replied to Cristina's question. "She think that you're taking stuff for granted. You know your life, parents-" Cristina visibly flinched at the word 'parent' again, and Meredith took notice. She watched as Cristina shut her eyelids before opening them slowly again. "-school, family. You know the generics." George concluded. He watched Cristina for the whole time he was talking and noticed her refusal to open her eyes after his utterance of 'parents'. Her hand would wander towards the gold necklace around it, feeling the rose pendant at the tips of her fingers.

"I'm not taking anything for granted" She said in a low whisper as she flipped open her textbook once again. She wouldn't talk about her brother or her father, no not now. "And I'm certainly not apologising to her. Now just. Leave. Me. Alone."

"Cristina… " Meredith tried to console her friend "Cristina, you can talk to us you know."

"No, I didn't know until now." She sarcastically replied, why couldn't they just leave her alone? "Just go, Meredith. And George as well. I don't need you guys to check up on me, i'm a big girl. I don't need you guys consoling my ass."

"Just speak to Izzie when you can" George intoned. "Come on Meredith let's go."

Meredith refused to move. Cristina was being unbelievably stubborn at the moment. "Cristina, i'm not moving until you tell me what's wrong."

"I shouldn't be obligated to tell you anything" Cristina snapped, "If you're not going to move, i'm going to move." Cristina grabbed her textbook and walked out of the room, her earphones dangling out of her hand with her phone.

"Dammit" Meredith cursed inwardly.

"Way to go Meredith." George said. "How can day one be so disastrous already?"

"I don't know, dammit. But something happened, and she's not going to feel better until she talks about it." Meredith pointed out, she knew from experience. Being required to go to a shrink from seeing her mother's attempt on her life.

"When did you become a shrink?" George asked.

"Since I had to see one" The information just slipped out, and Meredith realised she just said something about seeing a therapist. It wasn't things she told people on there day one of being friends. "Not that it was about me" She quickly tried to cover up the slip up. "It was because of my mother."

"You don't have to explain" George replied, still at slightly taken aback. "I'm sure you're perfectly sane, and you were forced into it."

"That pretty much sums it up" Meredith agreed, happy that George wasn't pushing into the topic.

"Should we go back to the cafeteria?"

"I'm not but you can, Izzie might be lonely. I think i'm going to stay here and finish the notes I have on economics."

"Okay then, i'll go down and check on Izzie. Should we see if Cristina is alright?"

"Honestly, she did ask us to leave her alone but I know she isn't okay. We'll ask tomorrow, maybe by then she'll be in a better mood." Meredith mused.

"Yeah hopefully, I don't need two mad friends." George replied with an exasperated sigh. "Quite a day isn't it?"

"It is, it so is"

/~*~\

Cristina walked down the corridor and into the common room. Her book pressed against her chest, she sat near the back of the room, in a relatively secluded area. She flipped open the textbook and continued reading, it took her eyes a minute to focus on the words that seemed to be flying out at her. _Damn my dyslexia,_ she thought to herself as she tried to refocus her attention back at her book. When she finally did, it felt like an eternity but in reality it was less than 5 minutes of her struggling to read the first sentence. It had weird spikes, sometime it didn't bug her but when it did, it was always in the way of things that she liked doing best.

But for the whole time, her mind kept wandering back to what George said. " _She thinks your taking things for granted."_ Bullshit, it was nothing more. She didn't take her parents or her family for granted, she worked and studied to be in this school along with her own mental setbacks. Same as any other person here. Her family wasn't perfect but she was taught to never take things for granted.

Izzie knew nothing about her and she was naive enough to make such an outlandish comment.

 _Damn Isobel Stevens_.

She knew she couldn't allow herself to cry, not in front of the people she called her friends. That would show her weak, vulnerable side. Something she rarely showed to anyone. Her mind seemed preoccupied, it drifted to her father. Cristina felt the tears brimming, ready to spill from her eyes. ' _No, you can't cry. Not here!'_ Her mind hissed. The feelings that she's tried to suppress for the last month and a half were finally coming back, the didn't need for it to come back and bite her in the ass.

Before she could stop herself, she felt a tear escape from the folds of her eyelids. Streaming down as she stared vacantly at the wall, waiting for it to stop. Her reaction was to wipe it away- and she did- as she bit down on her jacket to prevent herself from sobbing too loudly. One tear turned to two, then it escalated streams. She bit down harder on her jacket, causing it to come in contact with her own flesh as well but she continued, feeling her teeth dig into her forearm. As the hiccups subsides, she was left feeling nothing at all, and she knew that it was always worse when she couldn't feel anything.

Numb.

A familiar feeling to her.

She let it encapsulate her, filling her with nothingness but her heart pounding in her ears of her wrecked soul. It drove her insane how it still affected her, how she still felt the need to run away every time she heard the word 'parents' or if they mentioned anything about a family she would feel the tears brimming in in eyes. She hated it, she loathed how it still affected her. It was a forever reminder that she'll only have one, only one. Nothing more, nothing less. Even though her mother remarried, Saul Rubinstein would never be _her_ father. _Her_ father died, in her hands. His heart stopped as she kept his chest closed. He died in _her_ hands, leaving her feeling guilty and empty.

Her hand traveled upwards again touching the scar that was stitched up a few months ago when her head collided with the front of the car, leaving only a small laceration and minimal brain damage. Why did she survive? Why not her father? Was it any better to leave her in this world with nobody who actually cared?

"Here's a tissue, you might want to check that arm" Cristina heard someone say. She didn't immediately respond but took the tissue that was dangled in front of her.

"Thank you" She mumbled before looking up to see a red-headed man with his blue eyes looking at her.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

She scoffed slightly, "I don't even know you, why would I tell you anything?"

"So?"

"Yeah, i'm fine" She lied again, not willing to tell this stranger about her problems.

"We both know you're not fine" The man laughed slightly as she gave him a small smile.

"The why bother asking?" She intoned "I barely even know you and besides you shouldn't need to take care of me"

"Well, I tried, didn't I?" He uttered. "Just don't keep it inside. It's not healthy, it'll eat you alive"

"I know it will." She quietly responded.

"Owen!" Someone yelled into the common room. "There you are, disappearing after dinner." Cristina watched as Derek- aka McDreamy- walked into the common room in the direction of Owen. "You need to stop doing that, I lost you for the whole summer. I'm not going to lose you again."

He didn't seem to notice Cristina sitting in the chair, and she thought it was for the best. She busied herself with her book, and hoped that the boy who offered her the tissue would just leave her alone.

"You're not going to lose me again" Owen scoffed, as he gave Derek a light punch.

"What you doing?" She heard Derek asking the other boy. She hoped that could give an excuse of some sort, she didn't need him to know that she was crying.

"Nothing, just checking if I left my watch in here. I seemed to have misplaced it." Cristina gave a small sigh of relief, whether or not it was true or not she didn't care.

"Okay, I'll be over at Addie's room with Mark and Ari. Find us later." Derek said, and she heard his footsteps on the wooden floor before the shutting of the door.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome, you probably don't want Derek butting in on whatever you're dealing with. He's a good listener but when nothing ever escapes gossip. Derek is a good one though."

"Well, you could tell him to stop giving my friend the 'sex eyes'" Cristina said pointedly.

He laughed, and sat down in the chair next to her. "He mentioned her, Meredith Grey right?"

Cristina nodded. "Yeah that's the one."

"I'll mention it to him, but I don't know how long he can not keep eyes on her." Owen said, "He did have a crush on Addison but I don't think that's going to play out… shame, I was betting with Mark on that one"

"Huh, you can leave if you want. You don't need to make small talk." Cristina offered. "You can go back to your friends and i'll just sit here."

"With your book and be all alone" Owen intoned.

"Yeah" Cristina confirmed, she didn't see his need to stay with her.

He heaved sigh, "Just, in case you need anybody to talk to. I'm here, and I know I barely know you but whatever happened. I'm sorry." Owen pushed himself up, he knew that she wouldn't open up and she seemed formidable, strong. But something about her made him drawn towards her even if he barely knew her.

"Owen... " Cristina said softly, remembering that his name from what Derek said. "Thank you." Cristina Yang was someone with few words, whilst having too many emotions to control. She didn't like to show it, or feel it. She hated them, how it controlled her without her permission.

"No problem, I'll be here if you want to talk… Cristina" His first time uttering her name that day, first hearing it from Derek and Mark.

"How'd you know my name?" She asked, puzzled.

"Derek and Mark, you guys have english together. By proxy, you'll have english with me too."

Cristina gave a small smile, "Of course, i'll see you around."

"See you around." He uttered before leaving the common room, turning and walking in the direction of Addison's room.

Cristina watched as Owen left, he was the first person not to push the topic. Even Meredith tried. She was grateful, of course she was. As much as she didn't like people butting into her business, she knew she at least owed an explanation to Meredith. Whether or not she was going to apologise to Izzie for 'taking things for granted', she was still thinking about it.

Grabbing her book, she silently walked out of the common room and found herself back at the door of her room. Her music still streaming into her ears from her earphones. Her hands wrapped around the doorknob and opened it, revealing that Meredith was on her laptop consolidating notes or doing homework.

Neither one of them were thrilled to break the silence but Cristina figured she was the one to do so. "It was my father, by the way. He died in an car accident."

Meredith said nothing, absorbing the information that Cristina just told her. "It happened early this year, that's when I got into this school. So now you can make fun of me if you want for running."

"I'm not going to make fun of you, I get where you're coming from. I don't think Izzie meant it. She didn't know"

"She shouldn't have used 'parent' as the brunt end of her remark" Cristina pointed out. "I'm not apologising to Izzie. I'll let her think what she wants to think. But I can't have another school giving pity and sympathy all over again. I just can't. Not after what happened to him"

"Is that why you wear a necklace? I didn't peg you as a person who would wear one." Meredith asked.

"No, I wear this for something else." Cristina said vaguely, she didn't need Meredith to know about that as well. The impact of one revelation was enough.

"I'm sorry about your dad."

"Yeah me too." Cristina muttured, fiddling with her necklace before tucking it away. "Just, don't treat me differently. I don't need that… you think i'd be over it-"

"You don't get over something that big" Meredith cut in. "That's not how life works."

"Just… don't treat me like I someone who needs sympathy."

"I won't, I get where you're coming from." Meredith said, closing her laptop. Cristina looked at her quizzically. "My dad left my mom and me when I was five. Then we moved to Boston 3 years later when I was eight. I know it isn't like a death but it still felt like he dying. But in all honesty, I would do the same. My mom's a bitch"

"My mom's a bitch too." Cristina mumbled, giving her a smile. "We're starting anew"

"We're starting anew" Meredith echoed. "We are so starting again."

/~*~\

Izzie sat in silence as she watched Meredith and George exist, she rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone to keep herself company. She noticed another man, someone she hasn't seen before. Redheaded as he greeted Derek's friends. From what she could tell, she knew that they had to be friends before. Seeing them laugh and joke in a way that was only possible for people who have known each other for years.

She watched as people started leaving the cafeteria, she more or less didn't expect George or Meredith to come back and see her.

"Sitting alone cause you have no friends?" A voice behind her said. Izzie turned to see Alex there in all his jackass glory.

"No. Are you always this rude?" Izzie remarked, she gestured at Alex to sit and he placed himself down.

"I'm rude and i'm feisty in places where you want to be feisty in." Alex said with a suggestive grin.

"Oh fuck no. Alex, what the fuck? First the misogynistic remarks now you're hitting on me."

"It was worth a try, I knew you wouldn't buy it." Alex shrugged. "I'm a jackass by default."

"I've realised" Izzie grumbled.

"What's up with Yang?" He asked, picking up a fry from his plate.

"I don't know. I don't think I did anything wrong, she just has her ways I guess." Izzie remarked. "She's taking things for granted, whatever. If she can't appreciate things then she doesn't deserve them in the first place."

"As much as I get where you're coming from, have you ever considered that something happened to her?" Alex remarked.

 _Wow he's not being a jackass_ Izzie thought, _what a shocker._ "No, why would I think that?"

"I wasn't all this" Alex gestured at his attitude."Growing up in Iowa, wrestling for most of my youth and dealing with my addict family. It changes you, some people become cold, some becomes jackasses." The last line was referencing himself, he knew he could drop the crude attitude. In the background they could hear the group of friends that Derek hung around with, disappearing out the door.

She was momentarily distracted as they left, leaving a wake of laughs and happy spirits. She took one last glance before turning back to face Alex. "What could possibly happen to her? She grew up in Beverly Hills, she's educated, she didn't need to gain for herself." Izzie snapped.

"Whatever you know, just trying to help." Alex chided. "Here comes O'Malley."

"What's George doing here?" Izzie asked quizzically, the question was more aimed at herself then Alex.

"Probably coming down to check on you" Alex observed. "George, shouldn't you be tending your other needs?"

"What other needs?" He asked exasperated. "If you're talking about Cristina, then no. She's refusing to talk."

"Proves my point exactly." Izzie grouses. "She's refusing to talk- cold and robotic. What a surprise!"

"O'Malley just doesn't know how to talk to woman that's all." Alex smiled, "I'll be leaving now." He got up and left George and Izzie at the table while Izzie mouth hung agape. He was genuine for about two minutes before turning into a complete jackass again.

"Why in the world, did he come here and talk to you?"

"I don't know, he figured I was lonely." Izzie shrugged.

"Alex tending to the needs of other people? Shocker right there." George said as he took one of Izzie's last fries. "She was reading a textbook and fiddling with her necklace."

"I don't care, George I really don't.

"Something happened to her, me and Meredith both know it. We were somehow talking about parents and she just flinched. Closed her eyes and I saw her play with her necklace."

"What could possibly happen to her? She's just another one of those ungrateful kids, who take shit for granted. I've seen to many, I know what it's like to struggle. I basically had to teach myself manners. She can be withdrawn if she wants-"

"Izzie, just listen. If something did happen to Cristina, in her past, she's not taking shit for granted" George cut in. "You insulted her parents, that's not something you do on your first day of school."

" _I wasn't always like this… some people become cold some people becomes jackasses"_ Alex's words ringed into her ear.

"I insulted her parents way of bringing her up." She corrected. "I never said anything about her parents-"

"Your whole argument there was counter intuitive… Just try and apologise okay?" George cut in again, desperate for Izzie to see the reasoning behind his explanation.

"-whatever George. I'll apologise when I can. How about that?"

"Thank you" He breathed a sigh of relief. "Are you done? Can we go up?"

"Yeah I am, let's go. I'm going to pop into Meredith's room, see what I can sort out." Izzie said. "This doesn't mean what I say is incorrect, she is cold and bitter, sarcasm runs through her veins instead of blood. I don't regret what I said about her."

"Izzie, it doesn't matter. Both of you have opposite personalities. Cristina she's straight, reality based, you're kind and pretty cute rainbows. It's kinda hard not to butt heads with her." George remarked, walking about the stairwell the second time that night. The redhead that Izzie saw at dinner, passed them down the corridor and headed towards someone else's room.

As they were coming up the stairwell they saw Cristina walk into their dorm, with a textbook in planted against her chest and earphones trailing down from her ears.

"She's reading a textbook?" Izzie remarked, slightly taken aback.

"Crazy isn't it? You should see her stack of textbooks, GCSE, iB and APs. It's like she's planning to do all the courses."

"She might be cold and conceited but god damn is she a good student" Izzie observed. They walked slowly towards the room, hopefully giving Meredith and Cristina enough time to talk before opening the door. George knocked lightly, as his fingers wrapped itself around the doorknob to open the wooden door.

"Hey you okay?"

"Yeah i'm fine." Cristina said, giving him a light smile. This was the first time that he ever saw Cristina Yang genuinely smile. "Can I come in?"

"Depends if you have food or not" Cristina remarked. "I'm joking, come in I guess." She still felt the numbness in her body, but if she was going to act normal she had to _be_ normal, instead of moping around waiting for someone to dangle a tissue in front of her and ask her what her problems is.

George stepped into the room with Izzie slightly behind him, Cristina looked unfazed but internally she was squirming to run. She was expected a crude joke or an insult to her parents.

Meredith ducked underneath her laptop, ready to see if Cristina and Izzie would hash it out. She knew it was highly unlikely, they could be civil but from Cristina's attitude, she would be ready to fight if she needed too.

The awkward silence in the room was more than uncomfortable, it was excruciatingly painful. Waiting to see who would talk first. Izzie supposed that she needed to prompt something of some sort, taking a deep breath and stepping forward. "Look, I didn't mean to insult you or whatever-"

"Izzie, I genuinely don't care, if you can't be genuine with your apologies or insults then I, frankly don't want to hear them. What you said- whatever- forgotten. I had homework, that's why I came up. Just leave it."

"That's it?" Izzie said, "No yelling, no screaming?... no sarcasm?"

"No, because i'm giving you the satisfaction of thinking that I get to use my 'perfect' childhood as an excuse of why i've been so rude to you. So no, no pomp or circumstance. You can either stay or leave" Cristina took a deep breath.

"Did you not have a perfect childhood?" Izzie asked, she was pushing Cristina's walls inward. She wasn't particularly ticked off yet, she just wanted to know the reason why she's being so crude. Then she saw the reaction that George was talking about, the touching of her rose necklace. It seemed like a habit, a normal habit.

"No I didn't." Cristina said, inhaling sharply. "I can't tell you why i'm being like this, it's just the way I am. I'm not apologising for being who I am okay? If you don't want to be my friend, the door is right there. Nobody is forcing you."

"I realise, I-I just want to know why you're like this." Izzie stated. "How you can be so detached?"

"Because that's how I am, it was how I was raised. Detached par-" She inhaled deeply, trying not to allow her emotions to show but she still couldn't bring herself to say the word 'parent'. "-detached family. I never got the loving- 'just the right amount of parenting that most people got.' Why do you think i'm here?"

"I-I just assumed-"

Cristina cut in "Because i'm a girl from California, rich and willing to go to whatever school I want?"

Izzie nodded slowly, quietly waiting for Cristina's reasoning.

"Don't assume things about me, I chose this school because it compensated my needs with the added benefit of being out of California, away from my mothe- family." Cristina hoped that they didn't notice her misstep with her words. "I don't live the perfect life, nothing about it is glamourise. I'm dyslexic, Izzie. It just makes it harder to do everything."

The revelation made everybody turn around in shock, nobody would have assumed that Cristina was dyslexic, she did more or less perfect english and could read perfectly fine.

"It's treated, that's why you don't notice my study incapability. It just flares up sometimes, besides that i'm perfectly normal." Cristina remarked, "So, stil think my life is perfect?"

"I'm sorry." Izzie said, looking down. "I didn't realise."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." Cristina said softly. It took her by surprise as well, she didn't expect herself to apologise to Izzie but in the end, she knew it was needed.

"You're dyslexic?" George exclaimed, still recovering from shock besides Meredith.

"It's not a huge deal" Cristina shrugged. "I handle it."

"Obviously" Meredith remarked, still trying to recover from two information overloads that evening, both from Cristina.

"Don't look so shocked, I have it handled." Cristina said, giving a small smile. "Besides, I still get top grades."

"And there's the sassy Cristina we all know" Meredith smiled. "I'm glad you guys worked it out."

"So we're good?" Izzie asked with hesitation evident in her voice.

"Yeah I think we are." Cristina affirmed. She knew that this wasn't go to be the first time that she and Izzie would butt heads. But she could deal with Barbie.

"Aww" A voice could be heard by the door. "Finally found some woman to hang out around without them leaving you, George."

"Alex, screw off." George grunted with annoyance, he walked towards the door and shut it right in Alex's face. He could hear the audible groan from him as George walked away.

"Yeah okay, I need to actually get my history notes done." Cristina said, suddenly interrupting the silence that coated the room. "Fuck Alex though, what an absolute jackass."

"I know" Meredith agreed. "Between the minutes that I had spent with him, he's almost the devil."

"He's an evil spawn." Cristina quipped turning back to her notes.

"I need to get my notes done too." George said, observing Cristina's frantic typing. "I'm going to go grab my laptop." And he headed out of the dormitory.

"I have no notes to take" Izzie said, slightly cautious with her choice of words."Psychology was a bore, state school covered most of what she covered in the first lesson."

"That's a shame though." Cristina spoke up. " I have psych on Wednesday with a Mrs Rolar."

"Me too." Meredith said, "Looks like you have to deal with me as well."

"And you complain about McDreamy." Cristina snorted. It was a relief to finally be able to laugh without the restrains pulling her down. They'll come back, they always do but now, _now,_ was a moment to enjoy.

"When you start giving me the 'sex eyes' i'll make sure to rant at Izzie or George." laughed Meredith while George walked in with his laptop. "George! You'd be there if Cristina ever gave me the 'sex eyes'?"

"Why would Cristina give you the 'sex eyes'?" Georges eyes grew wide, "Oh she's- uh- what... "

Cristina smirked at Georges uncomfortable stance, "I'm not gay George, you can relax."

George visibly uncomfortable by the carefree nature of the conversation sat down at the windowsill, he didn't have much of a reaction, only awkwardly shuffling over and making notes.

"You shouldn't worry about it though, apparently McDreamy has a crush on Addison." Cristina remarked. Before typing out a lengthy sentence on her laptop.

"How'd you know?" Meredith asked, puzzled.

"Yeah how do you know?" Izzie asked, looking up from her phone.

"Some dude came up and offered me a tissue when I was in the common room, reading my book. We talked, he mentioned McDreamy and I mentioned to him, to tell him- Mcdreamy- to stop giving you the 'sex eyes'." Cristina replied, she shrugged her shoulders. "Then he mentioned how McDreamy had a crush on Addison or something."

"That just gives him ever the more reason to stop giving me the 'sex eyes'" Meredith said, "Good, so now I can actually focus cause I can't do anything when he's staring at me."

"God, this is bordering on stalkrish." Izzie chirped. "It's kinda cute, but I don't trust anyone with that good looking hair. Like look at his hair."

"Don't tell me you have a crush on him too?" George asked in exasperation.

"I don't, I'm here for school George. Not boys." Izzie said, "But you've got to agree that his hair is absolutely insane… I wonder how much product he uses"

"Ugh, Izzie." Meredith groaned. "Just because you don't have homework doesn't mean we don't."

"Correction: you guys are all doing notes, and I do have homework. I'm just not doing it with all of you guys in the room" Izzie shrugged, "I'm going to head back and finish my french worksheet. You coming George?"

"Yeah, I'm basically done. Hopefully I don't get cut for being bad at business." George uttered. "Well good night. See you in tutor tomorrow."

"Or earlier" Izzie added before earning a small glare from Meredith. "We'll see you in tutor."

"Good night guys." Meredith called as they existed there room and Cristina said a quiet good night as well. "That was eventful." sighed Meredith.

"Tell me about it, i'm going to go brush my teeth." Cristina said, walking into the bathroom.

"I'll come with" Meredith said, perking up.

Cristina converted back to her emotionless state, interacting with other people was energy draining. "What?" Cristina demanded, catching one of Meredith's many stares as she was brushing her teeth. She knew that her roommate had questions, all the generic 'Are you okay?' and whatever other bullshit people can pull these days.

"Nothing, just wanted to see if you wanted to talk about what happened." Meredith said quickly.

"There's nothing to say, I'm fine Meredith. I really am. I don't need for you to take care of me, i'm perfectly fine."

"You're not fine, but i'm not going to push it… it's probably killing you."

Cristina inhaled sharply, closing her eyes to rinse her face. "It is, it's driving me insane. But in the end, i can't do anything about it. He died and… I-I just don't want to talk about it. Okay?"

"Okay," Meredith said gently. "I'll be here for you."

"I know you will" Cristina gave her a small smile, before turning around and exiting the bathroom. Her thoughts were still whirling within her, replaying everything that happened today. Being detached, it's what protected her. She couldn't- she wouldn't get that emotionally wrecked again. But in spite of everything, it happened again. The nightmares were still there, haunting her every night since her brothers death, only escalating with her fathers. The constant waking up to shivers of cold sweat, panicked heart and shaky hands. It was torture, and the cold necklace that pressed against the outskirts of her heart, reminding her of him; of the life she couldn't save and will never see again. It was a constant, heat-aching reminder of the many things she could have done. How long until she broke? How long until she can't take the pain anymore?

Nobody knew, and neither did she.


	4. Chapter 4: Nowhere else

**So here's the fourth chapter and as always everything belongs to Shonda Rhimes and CO, nothing belongs to me, obviously. In case anybody is wondering (which i highly doubt), updates will happen every week on a Wednesday, GMT+8. I won't specify when because it normally comes on random so follow ! jokes on me, i doubt it haha. anyway, hope you like this chapter. MerDer is coming, just hang in there ! Also as I said before in my story description, I will be on some pretty heavy topics but I will warn incase anybody isn't comfortable with it. This chapter does have mentions of suicide, so if you're feeling suicidal or feeling down, please contact someone because someone will always be there for you. PSA aside, hope you enjoy.**

 **[Mention of suicide]**

[]

As the day passed, the five transfers that arrived at Seattle Grace was starting to feel comfortable being around the school. It didn't help the awkwardness with other students in their years but they confided in themselves, creating their own social circle. It was a routine now to go to Meredith and Cristina's room to complete any homework before heading down to dinner afterwards.

Between the four of them, they were also starting to show their colours in class. All four of them were profoundly smart, especially in science department. Cristina became the obvious choice for memory bank and knowledge retention, knowing way past her limits all the time. Meredith was tamer, always referring back to her neatly organised notes and only answering when called. George tended to sit by the sideline, taking eloquent notes and acing quizzes with little to no effort. Izzie was the go-to for neat and accurate notes, with her rainbow coloured markers and pens.

"You know our first threeway science test first week of October and I'm psyched" Cristina said enthusiastically with her books clutched against her chest. "I know it's three weeks away but it's very exciting."

"You are the only one who thinks it's exciting" Meredith replied with a slight scowl.

"Meredith has a point, even the friend group of the Shepherds didn't seem psyched that this test is coming up."

"It's on record, report cards." George muttured. "I'm scared, honestly."

"Don't be scared Bambi" Cristina replied with a grin. "It's only a test."

"To determine our place in this schools vast totem pole of other intelligent human beings" George replied back. "I'm okay with bio but chemistry is going to be the hard one for me."

"Physics is the problematic one for me." Izzie said.

"Me too" Meredith replied. "It's not hard, just so many formulas to remember you know."

"Yeah I know" Cristina agreed. "But look, last lesson of the day though."

"And it's a friday" Meredith added with a smile. "Do you guys wanna try and crack that scavenger hunt that we were given during global studies yesterday?"

"Sure I guess, I didn't even look at it though." George remarked. "Here: 'Back when nothing mattered, small and content. We flourished and thrived without the use of men…'"

"Wow I like this already" Izzie commented, looking over Georges shoulder.

"Just read the rest" George muttured.

"God, it's easy I don't even need to hear the rest. It's referencing the founders now what do we know about them?" Cristina said to the group, but before any of them could answer she cut in and answered for them. "Easy, what did they excel at?" Yet again Cristina didn't wait for them to answer. "Science so go to the science office and find their name, the next clue should be there somewhere."

"Wow... " George mumbled, "That was… fast."

"Keep up Bambi come on." Cristina prodded. "Let's go check it out, I do like a little competition."

"Cristina Yang and competition seem to be intertwined with one another." Meredith observed, following Cristina out the door with George and Izzie following closely behind. How did you read it so fast? You're dyslexic"

"And that's the pros of you guys reading it out loud so I don't have to go through the minute struggle of focusing on the first word." Cristina said, as they walked up to the science office. As soon as they approached it, they saw an orange envelope tucked behind the small dipit near the science office, hidden from view.

"Oh, I didn't hear. I thought you read it." Meredith said.

"Are you okay? You're not normally this… unfocused."

"Yeah I'm fine" Meredith replied to Cristina. "Oh shit, Derek's group of friends are walking straight towards us. Can we get the clue and get out of here?"

"Is that what you're worried about? Seriously?" Izzie said, looking above Meredith's head to see the massive friend circle walking in there direction. "This is going to be weirdly entertaining"

"You handle him in class fine" said George "What's so different now and just know that you guys are staring. It's creepy."

"That's because in class I have you guys" Meredith hissed.

"Aww, thanks Meredith" Izzie gushed slightly, placing a hand on Meredith's shoulder. George rolled his eyes and grabbed the clue from the orange envelope.

"I prefer bitchy Meredith, at least that was fun." Cristina comments. "Bambi has the clue, we can go"

Just as Cristina made her comment did Derek's gang walk past, and as per usual, Derek's eyes were straight at Meredith's before both of them averted there eye contact elsewhere. Cristina saw Owen within the crowd of McDreamys little gang.

"Cristina." He greeted as he walked past. She didn't expect Owen to say hello so she stood there vacantly staring at their group as they turned the corner.

"Did that red headed dude just say hi to you?" Izzie said, slightly taken aback. "How does he know you?"

"He did, so what?" Cristina said, shaking off the encounter. In truth she was just as taken aback as Izzie. The memory of him offering a tissue to her came back, it was a delicate and simple interaction between the two. "He was the guy who told me about Addison."

"At this point, I don't think Addison really matters. He still stares at me." Meredith yelped slightly. She was on edge, she couldn't deny it. One continuous week of him looking at her, it was getting harder to concentrate.

"That wasn't a stare, Meredith. That was a look, as in he was checking you out" George pointed out, "But that doesn't matter. Should we go back?"

"You guys head back, i'm going to head to the library and get some books."

"Books? You already have half the books from the library" Izzie said with a laugh.

"I ran out of actual fiction books to read." Cristina replied. "I'll see you, i'll be back before dinner."

"Or don't eat at all" Meredith playfully called out.

"You are so lovestruck right now it's actually funny." Cristina quipped back.

"I am not!" exclaimed Meredith. "Tell her that I'm not lovestruck"

"I hate to agree with Cristina, but the look on your face is a mixture of 'I want McDreamy' combined with your normal tired face" Izzie said, leaning in to get a closer view. "Yup, definitely."

"I am-" Meredith tried to exclaim again before being cut off.

"BE QUIET" A voice roared as a gust of wind hit the four of them. "What do you think you're doing here?" The voice boomed. "Get back to your dormitories. NOW!" Before they could give the teacher a concrete answer they all ushered there way off the flour of the science office.

"I am not lovestruck" Meredith quipped, out of breath before anybody else could say anything.

She looked at her three other friends and knew that they weren't convinced. Regardless, they shrugged it off. Cristina headed to the library without much fuss and Izzie and George opened there laptops to continue their homework.

"I am not falling for him" She whispered quietly so no one could hear her. "I. Am. Not. Falling. For. Him."

[]

Cristina rounded the corner to the library, she needed to get away from her friends. She needed her alone time, it wasn't like she disliked them. She just needed her own time to decompress and not be constantly surrounded by people.

She picked up _Turtles all the way down_ written by John Green and read the blurb. It looked interesting enough, the library wasn't as packed as it usually was. iB students were all spread out in the long tables in the far end corner of the library, heads down, earphones in and writing furiously into their notebooks or typing there extended essay.

The librarian gave Cristina a half-hearted smile and checked out her book. It was like heaven to be absorbed in a book, not giving a rats ass about the drama that wasn't happening in real life. It had barely three weeks and there had been drama with their year relating to alcohol abuse and drug use. Or the more interesting one, in Cristina's opinion, whose getting the highest scores in quizzes and classwork. But nothing could match the enchanted world of words that engulfed any reader when holding a good book in there hand, it was near magic. It was the life she could never, ever envision. Falling in love felt far-fetched, she was in love with her studies and later she knew she'd be in love with surgery.

Love is a farfetched topic, too magical and poisonous to touch. Giving you the high without even knowing it. It was her heart that was torn in so many different directions, breaking her in ways she didn't know she could be broken. Family had been everything. _Been_ , past tense. Now it was in the Before, she was living in the After. Her brother hit the pressure point, slowing forming cracks underneath her ribcage and her father, her _fucking_ father, shattered it. Hitting it harder than anything before. Then her mother grabbed the tape from her drawers and flimsily taped it back together. Love had always, always tears her apart. Bit by bit, but there was nothing left to pull apart; nothing to rip out and stomp on. It had broken her.

Love had torn her into pieces and, now, she couldn't put herself back together.

[]

"Mark, do me a favour. Can you get Cristina Yang away from Meredith so I can talk to her for a second?" Derek said, peeking over to see if they had left yet.

"You're asking me to do this?" Mark said, taken aback. "Look-

"I mean just flirt with her or something." Derek cut in, trying to omit the desperation in his voice. He wanted an actual conversation with Meredith. Not just stolen glances in classes and hallways. The other two friends weren't a problem. They were sitting at the common room, talking about random things before the other two, Izzie and George, left. Cristina was there with her book by her side, talking next to Meredith.

"Derek, it's nearly dinner." Mark argued back.

"What's happening?" Owen said, walking up to the two boys. "Mark if this is about your string of lovers-"

"Look Derek, she's not my type." Mark interrupting Owen but ignoring his statement. "Yang? Too serious, unfunny, cold as well."

"She should be your type, she's intelligent, complicated" Derek commented. "Oh I know, you're scared she's going to reject you."

"You want to flirt with Cristina Yang?" Owen asked, jaw-dropped. From what he's seen of her, there is no way that Mark's antics could get him past first base. "That isn't- that's not a good idea"

"Oh I know, you're scared she's going to reject you." Derek said with a grin. "I mean, you're right probably, not your type. But she's feisty, look at her in math and science. But you know, I get it. Mark Sloan is scared of rejection."

"What, you think I can't do it Derek?" Mark asked, flashing a sly grin. "She's not my type but i'll give it a try."

"No, no I get it. You don't think you have a shot." Derek said. "You're probably right… guess I won't talk to Meredith after all." Derek sighed with a grin concealed behind his composed face.

"Oh I have a shot." Mark threw back. "Mark Sloan always does."

"You don't have to do it Mark." Derek was just mocking him now. "I get it if you don't want your ego bruised."

Owen head was just pitching back and forth between the two men. "You don't want to flirt with Yang. That's really not a good idea."

"See even Hunt agrees" Derek said with a grin.

"Okay fine, I'll give it a shot." Mark said, disgruntled.

"Thank you." Derek said. "Good luck, you're going to need it."

"Derek's not wrong for once!" Owen said, giving a small laugh. "Cristina Yang is going to make Mark Sloan cry."

"I know" Derek said, his cheekbones hurt from smiling at Marks lack of responses and overconfident self. "I know."

Owen watched from the sidelines with Derek as Mark approached Cristina and Meredith. He's never grinned so much in anticipation. There was a part of him that screamed at Derek for even suggesting that Mark flirt with Cristina, it angered him ever so slightly. He didn't know why, he barely knew her. The only thing he knew was she wasn't as cold as people make her out to be, but nobody believed him. They were civil at least, and Owen knew that she didn't cry or show emotion- except that one time when he found her sitting in the common room that night with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh here it comes" Derek said, hitting Owen's arm. They were close enough to hear the dialogue between there friend and Derek's definite crush.

"I can't even believe that you've on from Addison." Owen said, shaking his head. "I was betting good money on you with Mark."

"I don't know. She told me she liked Mark instead. After leading me on for so many months, she finally told me she actually didn't like me."

"She what?" Owen exclaimed. "When? Holy- what? Shit."

"She told me when we were over at Mark's house at the end of summer." Derek said.

"Mark Sloan, you've got to be kidding me. How can Addision like Mark?"

"That was my reaction, whatever i'm over it."

"Do you think they've slept together?"

"That just put a very disturbing image in my mind that I can never erase" Derek mumbled, unable to keep his eyes of Mark as he attempted to win her over.

"I don't think they've slept together" Owen said, answering his own question.

"Urgh whatever, I don't want to think about it. And besides-

"-you have a new crush now" Owen said, cutting into to Derek's sentence "Don't deny it."

"It's… I don't know what it is. I just want to talk to her, alone."

"You have a new crush" singsonged Owen, grinning happily for his friend. In all honesty, he had never felt this excited over this whole 'Mark talking to Cristina thing' but it had given him some much needed excitement. He still remembered his sister and the fact that he didn't have any parents but aside from that, everything was fine. Just fine.

"Shut up, Hunt." but he was also smiling with Owen. "Oh here we go."

They watched as Mark tried to get into Cristina's good graces, and Owen could tell she either: 1. Super uncomfortable or 2. She had no idea what's going on. Watching Mark Sloan flirt was like watching an episode of _Keeping up with the Kardashians,_ it was absolutely revolting while also amusing.

Cristina just looked puzzled at his advancement and quickly got up from her seat, dragging Meredith along with her. Owen suppressed a grin as Mark came back and Derek looked like he was about to die of laughter.

"Shut up" was Mark's only response.

"That was much needed entertainment" quipped Owen.

"You know what's entertaining?" Mark said, "Having your girlfriend come up, asking me why the hell aren't you speaking to her."

"Don't tell me you haven't spoken to Beth?" Derek exclaimed. He didn't think it was too far fetched considering what happened to Owen during the summer, but he would have thought that Owen would put it off for so long after he came back. "I don't know whether to cheer or disapprove."

"Why would you cheer?" Addison said as he walked up to join the three boys.

"We don't like Beth" Derek and Mark said in unison while Addison gave a audible "Oh," getting what Mark and Derek were saying.

"She's perky and annoying." Derek chided. "But I would have thought that you would have talked after you came back to school."

Owen shrugged. "I don't have any classes with her… and I kinda broke up with her during the summer."

"You did what now?" Addison yelped. "You broke up with her?"

"So?" came Owen's response. The last thing he wanted to talk about was Beth, his ex-girlfriend. He was really hoping that they wouldn't realise but, of course, in true Beth fashion, she got all of his friends involved without just walking up to him and asking why.

"How'd you-" Derek started before he was cut off by another person.

"OWEN!"

"Speak of the devil" Mark mumbled and Addison rubbed her temples. None of them were particularly fond of Beth Whitman but somehow Owen managed to date someone like that.

"Oh god please hide me." Owen whispered.

"Hide us all." Addison muttered. "Oh for fuck sake, she's coming straight at us."

"Hello Beth" Owen cringed at the sound of his own voice. "How was your summer?"

"How was my summer?!" She screeched back. "How was my summer!?" Here shrill voice rang through the corridor of the dormitory.

"Beth-" started Addison.

"No Addison, this is between me and Owen." She said holding her hand up at the other woman. Her voice softened slightly but still had the edge that made the other tense. "Owen, what is going on? Breaking up with me like that? What's happening?"

"It's really hard to explain, I would rather not explain okay." Owen sighed. "I can't explain."

"Can't or won't?" Beth asked. "I think I deserve more than a two line email Owen."

"You broke up with her through email?" Mark gaped. "Even I don't do that."

"Have you ever even had a relationship last longer than a night?" Derek asked.

Owen ignored his friends bickering in the background, "Yes you deserve so much more than two lines in an email Beth. You deserve more than me."

"You don't get to guilt-trip me Owen. I just want a reason why you want to end this, I just need any reason to why you wanted to end us."

He couldn't tell her about his sister, that's not how it worked. She didn't get to know about it, only Derek and himself. Owen knew how the rumour mill went around here, he didn't fancy to go around it in that way because of a death. "I'm sorry Beth. I really am, i'm just not in the right space or head game at the moment… I'm sorry, I really am."

"God, Owen you're unbelievable. I'm asking for a reason not an apology."

"Then I can't give one to you" His tone turned flat. He will not talk about this.

"Why?" She pressed, growing irritated by Owen's refusal to give her an answer. "Why can't you give me a valid reason? Do you like someone else?"

Derek could sense the heat that was emitting from Owen, it made his blood run cold amidst all the heat that was being thrown around. He knew he had to intervene, he knew the reason for Owen's breakup with Beth. He knew it but Owen didn't want anybody to know.

"No, I don't like someone else" Owen shot back. His thoughts went to Cristina for a minute but it quickly evaporated. He didn't see her as a romantic girl. And he didn't know if he ever liked her at all, at least not in that way. Sure, he found her attractive but that was because of her cold stoic personality and how he knew that just wasn't the case. "I don't like anyone, not anymore anyway."

"So you just grew tired of me then? Is that the case?" Beth hissed back.

"God no Beth. Does everything have to be about you?" Owen said sharply. "This isn't about you, it's about me!"

"You broke up with me, this has everything to do with me! So what happened Owen? You just wake up one day, go out with Megan or _them"_ Beth indicated at the other three standing next to the fight. "Then you realise that you didn't like me and you sent me a two line email!."

Owen's blood rushed to his ear, everything was mute. His pulse was escalating and he could feel his breath starting to quicken at the mention of his sister's name. Clasping his hands together to stop them from shaking rapidly. _God, this can't be happening, not now. Please not now._ Owen begged himself. The tears threatened to spill, he could feel his eyes start to water. Images of her lifeless body flashed in his mind as he tried to push everything down to rebuttal Beth's argument.

"Beth why don't you stand down and take a deep breath." Derek said, he knew how this was going to go down.

"To hell I will Derek. You're just protecting him, like you guys all do. All your smart asses bond and think you're all so clever and smart. Top 5 of the class, big deal Derek!" She snapped at him.

"Clearly both parties need some much needed air,x" Addison said, now raising her voice to match Beth's escalating barrage of insults.

"No Addie stop, let me take care of it… Look Beth, I didn't just break up with you because I didn't like you. Not like that, I just couldn't do it okay?" He blinked away the tears, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Derek's crush, the perky blond that reminded him of Beth, George and, of course, Cristina in the background witnessing the hallway showdown.

"Just be a vague bastard, like you always are." she spat before sighing a deep sigh. "I deserved more than a two line email Owen. And you know it and I know it. I hope you're happy." The last part sounded forced by Beth's part but Owen didn't think much of it, he simply nodded and watched as Beth disappeared back to her dormitory.

His whole body was on the verge of collapse before he felt the light touch of Derek. "Are you okay?"

"I just need a minute, I'll meet you downstairs." Owen said, softly.

"I'll stay with you. You guys can head down" Derek indicated.

"No, Derek. I'm okay. Go down with them, I'd rather be alone if you don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I am. I'll meet you downstairs."

Derek sighed but headed his words, he didn't want to leave Owen all by himself but he knew better than to argue with him. "Come down when you're ready."

Owen nodded and went back into his room, shutting the door quietly behind him. And only when he knew it was safe, he fell onto his bed burrowing his head into the pillow releasing every ounce of pent up emotion that he kept in. His sobs wracked his body, causing him to shake and not allowing him to breath without the muffled breath sounds that he so often heard. Soon his sobs turned into periodic hiccups as he tried to find feeling within his body, but it wasn't there. Nothing, he could feel absolutely nothing.

Feeling numb was worse than feeling every emotion thrown into his body, he rather hurt than be numb. The devoid of feeling chipping away at every cell that kept the body intact, throwing everything out of the window- trying, attempting- to heal ourselves.

There was a hole in his heart where his sister was, he missed her so much. The guilt that wrecked his every movement, knowing that he should have waited for her after school but never did. And now, he could never see her again. Not at school, not at home; never. He's never going to see her wavy dark brown hair when he trails behind her friends.

He's never seeing her again. And he could never, ever tell her how much he loved her or hold her when she cried herself to sleep or stitch her up when she cut a little too deep. He wasn't going to ever do it again. A tear escaped his eyefolds, trailing down. Owen quickly wiped it away, trying to eliminate the numbness that eclipsed his entire body.

 _The sun was starting to rise, bits of orange starting to creep in but still Seattle was shrouded in darkness, he was shrouded in darkness. Owen's body refused to sleep for the whole night. Tossing and turning until he just gave up. There were too many things going on to allow him to sleep, too much to think about and regret and guilt wracked his entire body._

 _The lack of sleep he was getting didn't waiver his days trying to find his little sister, but it was over. The search was over._

 _The officer told them about her the night before, the wails and cries that the walls heard were unmatchable. Most of them were from his mother while his father would weep in silence. He knew what he did, it was his fault and he knew it. Nothing could ever replace the feeling of emptiness that washed over every single cell in his body._

 _Owen looked out the window, expecting the night sky to soon be replaced by the optimistic, happy blue skies. The red and orange starting to seep in but below, he saw a figure stumbling down the street. His gaze didn't falter as he watched them walk closer to his house, dark brown medium length hair with both arms slightly bent at her side with something dark looking gushing from her arms. But he couldn't make out what it was from the lingering darkness._

 _Suddenly he saw the tired looking person walking down the street, drop onto the street. Owen saw no precautions to stop themselves from falling, and as she went down; he saw her eyes. The unmistakable brown eyes that met his gaze._

 _Relief flooded into his mind, she wasn't dead. The officer revelation was dying before every bit of euphoria was replaced with fear. He flew out of his room, trying to dismiss the smell of cigarette and alcohol lingering in the kitchen. The multiple broken glasses that seemed to be shattered amidst the revelation by the officer._

 _The cold air of morning greeted him as he swung the door and the gate open, there was a trail behind where she was and then… Megan. She was lying there, a pool of crimson blood slowly growing as she laid there; unmoving._

" _Megan?" He whispered. His voice couldn't raise past a whisper, he couldn't scream or shout or yell at anybody to get her help. He heard a faint whisper from her and he felt his knees thud onto the ground, as he picked up her pale body, cradling it back and forth. He applied pressure to her wounds but it was too late, she had lost too much blood._

 _His shirt started getting soaked with her blood but he ignored the growing wetness as he rocked her body, whispering in his ear. He knew he should have gotten help, why didn't he?_

 _She was fading, and as the sun rose it the background, he felt her slip away. The pulse slowed down- little- less- nothing. No pulse, nothing._

 _Just her cold body in his arms, with blood soaking his clothes. No life, just holding death in his arms._

 _He couldn't let go now, not when he was so close to her. The tears that were brimming finally cascaded down his face, tired eyes finally gave in as he let out anguished cries of despair. He bit his bottom lip hard so he tried to prevent himself from being too loud, he started to taste the metallic of blood leak from the cut._

 _Owen didn't know how long he sat there, holding her body. The sun was beating down on them, but he couldn't bring himself to move. The blood dried and flaked off, leaving a bloody stain mixed with gravel._

 _Finally his parents came out, and gaped at the sight. It was a bittersweet moment of relief and sadness. His dad was holding his mom as she broke down in tears, in her bathrobe nonetheless. His father was standing there also unable to contain his emotions, but Owen refused to let go of his sister._

 _Sweet little Megan. Always sweet little Megan._

She was dead, she died in his arms. And he didn't even call for help. He couldn't call for help.

 _Why didn't he call for help?_

"God, Megan. I'm so so sorry" He whispered to himself, "I'm so so sorry"

He didn't know how long he sat on the bed staring at the ceiling above but it felt like eternity, staring at the ceiling, feeling the aircon blow on-top of his own body sending a chill through his body. Soon he couldn't take it anymore, he had to get out of the room before it drove him insane.

Owen knew he should have headed down to the cafeteria where his friends would be waiting for him, but he knew that they'd ask question and Owen wasn't in the mood to be interrogated by Addison or Arizona. He found himself walking towards the common room and in the finding a relatively quiet area. To his pleasure, the common room wasn't even that packed. There was barely anybody except the fair few who were gaming in the corner. It would be good enough for Owen, and good was hard to come by these days.

[]

After the screaming match in the hallway, Meredith and the others agreed to go to dinner later than usual. They wouldn't have cared, they would have went to dinner anyway if not for Meredith insisting that they eat later.

So Cristina told them that she'd be reading in the common room without distraction, Izzie shot her multiple glares while the other two shrugged and continued playing whatever game they were playing.

Cristina found a relatively quiet corner to sit and read her book. Then she saw the redheaded man- Owen- sitting near there too. He looked absorbed into his book but questions started whirling in Cristina's head. _How did he get down here so fast? I just saw him a minute ago._ In truth it probably had been thirty or so minutes from the screaming match that took place outside and considering Meredith was trying to argue against the fact that she was lovestruck with McDreamy.

She saw everything that went down, the screaming with Beth who was in her history class. Cristina never took much note of her since she didn't really stick out as someone who was smart. She normally just sat in the corner waiting for people to answer the question.

Owen looked… sad. Fucked up and sad, while reading a book in the corner. This was probably what she looked like on the first day back at school. When he came in and saw her sitting in the corner biting her arm. Cristina Yang didn't do emotions, she locked them up but this was the least she could do. She knew how it felt to be sitting there with nobody but your inner demons consume you.

"Hey, you okay?" She asked. She surprised even herself for being so soft. "I don't have a tissue to offer you but I will ask you if you're okay."

"It's okay, i'm not crying." Owen replied, laughing slightly. "Yeah i'm okay. Just frazzled."

"I could tell" Cristina said, "Can I sit?"

Owen bit his bottom lip, thinking about whether or not sharing or even talking to her was a smart idea… but he needed the company that wasn't his regular gang of smart idiots. "Be my guest"

Cristina now had no idea what she wanted to say to this barely stranger. This might have been a mistake, but nonetheless she sat down anyway. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah i'm fine."

"I'm not good with the whole emotion things so I won't bullshit it." Cristina intoned, "I've seen my fair share of couple drama." She started. "There's always the 'BS' one. The one where people break up for bullshit reasons...then there's the one where it just burns out… "

"Okay…" Owen didn't know where she was going with this. He already knew that she didn't show emotions, that was almost established from when he met her. "Where are you going with this?"

"What I'm trying to say is that, there are different types of breakups and I've seen a lot. Probably to a disturbing degree… what you had with Beth, i've only seen one of"

"Who?" Owen asked, intrigued.

Cristina closed her eyes before taking a deep breath in. "My brother."

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking of course."

"He had ADHD" Cristina's hand wandered to her necklace. "He would play with our neighbours cats to help his impulses and the neighbours let him so it was fine. But one day, one of them died in his arms. Overeating I think. I wasn't there but he was, he would kinda detract from everything then he broke up with his girlfriends because he would forget to take his meds." She smiled fondly at the memory before.

Owen noticed her use of language, not 'has' but instead 'had. Past tense. Throughout her whole explanation she was speaking in past tense, he didn't know whether to comment and he knew that she probably didn't mean for it to slip out. "Oh, I'm sorry about the cat."

She waved her hand in dismissal "It's fine, I didn't play with them often. It affected him more than it affected me… what i'm trying to say, is that, it's okay. I'm sorry about whatever happened."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about yours too." Owen said, he didn't mean for the last part to slip out. Her use of language was only a small observation but his subconscious warped it into a full on sentence.

"Mine?" Cristina asked, slightly taken aback. She didn't recall telling him about her brother.

"You use past tense when you were explaining about your brother's breakup" explained Owen.

Cristina cursed inwardly at her own stupidity, how could she had let it slip?

"You probably didn't mean for it to come out, sorry for bringing it up." Owen said in reply to Cristina's discomfort at the mention of her brother.

"You're right, I didn't mean for it to come out." Cristina said, trying to keep her voice steady. "But things happen, it happens."

"It does" Owen agreed, "Things always happen."

"Do you mind me asking what happened?" Cristina asked, it was worth a shot. Like how he asked her when she was crying.

Owen hesitated in answered her question, this seemed completely out of character for her. "I don't know."

"You don't have to tell me" she shrugged, "You did the same thing for me, I thought I might return the favour."

Owen struggled with his answer, on one hand he wanted to break down and cry about everything that had happened but would it be worth the scrutiny or the reaction by her? He didn't know what happened to her brother but it was something bad for her to be using past tense. "It's about my sister… she's not here."

He could tell by her reaction that she knew, on some level, how to relate to sibling drama. Her hand, again, wandered to her necklace. She kept tracing back and forth, with her fingers- obviously with some sort of attachment associated with it.

"You don't have to say anymore than that if you don't want to." Cristina said, it hurt to think about her brother. It still hurts her. "I get it."

"You do?" Owen said, puzzled. "You probably don't, you're just saying that-"

"I do know, I do know how it feels" She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to try and suppress the incoming emotions; bracing herself.

"You don't have to say anything" Owen started.

"He's not here either, he died of an overdose when I was nine" She said, looking straight into Owen's blue eyes. She didn't expect herself to connect with someone who she had barely any history but it felt good to suddenly let it out. Nobody knew, everybody in Cali knew but nobody here knows except Owen. "I found his body in an alleyway."

"I'm sorry about your brother."

"I don't need the sympathy, I get what you're going through. I don't know where she is, but she's not here. She's not there to say good night or snuggle up to you or whatever. I get it and I don't want you to get it."

Owen was surprised, she was formidable. Not allowing emotions to control her, she was strong. Stronger than Owen could ever imagine himself being. "She's not here anymore, you're right. She's not there to snuggle up with me or do whatever because she's gone..."

"Take it slow or if you don't feel comfortable, you don't have to say it." Cristina said, she knew what she dropped was big. She just needed Owen to understand that she knew what it was like.

"She died" The words were like acid in his mouth. "She bled out in my arms." He expected the tears but none came, all of them were already in his pillow. He didn't feel anything at all.

"Welcome to the club." Cristina mumbled. "I'm sorry about your sister."

"Club?"

"Dead family club." She said, "I'm so sorry that you had to join the club."

Owen had no words, if it was just siblings it would have been called the 'dead sibling club' but she named it instead the 'dead family club'. Why? She was so much stronger that Owen could ever imagine, she's been through so much, and he could finally see the stoic facade fade away and the soft, emotionally vulnerable Cristina creep in.

He wanted to ask, but suppressed the urge to do so. Cristina could see his reaction, he wanted to know why she called it the 'dead family club' instead of the 'dead sibling club'. Was it worth sacrificing her mental sanity? She's never going to feel okay, but it was better than feeling like shit all the time. "It was my dad, we were in a car accident earlier this year." She said softly.

He took a deep breath, absorbing the information. "I'm sorry about him as well."

She sighed, "I don't need your sympathy, but yeah, i'm sorry about him too."

"I broke up with her so she couldn't see the change in me. She's going to see the harder 'Owen' not the 'Owen' she liked you know? I'm saving her the pain of dealing with me later."

"Now I have two examples in my roster." She said, giving him a small smile. "It's okay to give it up for a while, just be yourself. Don't let any other person rule what you want, be you."

"I'm trying to be me, but I don't know where to start."

"From the beginning" she said, "You find your own way, you alway do."

"Is that what you did?" He asked, "Did you start from the beginning?"

"Why do you think I moved to Seattle?" She didn't wait for him to reply. "Sometimes starting over is better than working through the trauma that you experienced. But it's also important to let it shape you, it makes you different… it always does. Starting anew doesn't mean forget everything, it means learning and being better than you were before"

"I'll keep that in mind, thank you" Owen said. Cristina Yang was a true force of nature, truly driving force.

"Cristina!" Someone called into the room, it was Meredith. "We're going down to dinner, are you coming?"

"Yeah I'm coming" She yelled back before turning back to Owen. "Come to dinner and go meet your friends?"

"That sounds good." Owen replied. It was nice finally letting it out about Beth, about Megan. It felt good to talk to someone with no history at all.

"You can talk to me if you need too, but it's best if you work it out on your own. It kills you all the time, every minute of every day. But you learn to live with it, and it dulls out." Cristina voiced, she never thought she'd be emotionally connecting with a complete stranger.

It'll always hurt, she learnt it the hard way.

Cristina could feel her heart rate escalate every time she talked about her brother or her father. It was always a pounding pain, from morning until night. She knew exactly how Owen felt- the guilt, the grief, sadness and anger- it was all there, eating at her mental sanity.

It was killing her, slowly and painfully until she would be nothing but an emotionless shell waiting to be brought back from death.


	5. Chapter 5: Can't be Nobody else

**Hi guys, uhm sorry for the delay of posting this chapter. I've been swarmed with school work, especially with my mock exams coming up. I'll do my best to update but it might be quite inconsistent. uhm probably not every week, maybe every two weeks? let's see. Burke has never been my favourite charecters on greys, i never liked him so hopefully my interpretations okay, hopefully he doesn't come off as an absolute douches. if it would be alright to have some feedback on Burke and this chapter on a whole. aside from that, hopefully everybody well and here's chapter 5 of Boarded In !**

 **Also slight PSA (not really), I know in America they do AP's and SATS but I thought i'd stick to something closer to home, so I chose GCSE's and iB instead. but in my school we also do PSATs and SATs so yeah. aside from that, hopefully you don't hate this chapter !**

 **Yet again, Grey's Anatomy belongs to Shonda. Co. not me, duh.**

[]

Owen always thought that life, in school at least, would get bored for him. That has yet to happen. He was still waiting to be bored of the classes and of his friends, he was still waiting for it but that was yet to happen.

But he never thought he would lose all of his family in one day, everything that was built up to stay. All the expectations and empty promises, saying that family would be everything he needed. It was wrong, it was so so wrong.

Everyday was a drag, a fight to get out of bed and attend classes. Don't get him wrong, he was still getting pretty good marks but they could have been much better. It was easy for him to talk to Cristina about it, she understood. And even though all of them had a pretty fucked up past, she got him more than Derek or Mark could ever. Only Derek and Cristina knew, only them.

Derek treated him as if he was fragile. Cristina… well, she treated him like she would treat anyone else. Unless they were alone, they could talk in peace about their struggles and demonic thoughts that ate away at there sanity. It was mutual, she was good, loyal, something Owen didn't have often.

School was school, not hard but certainly not easy. The people he expected to excel, exceled and he was yet again at the sidelines watching everybody succeed except him. But he couldn't be anyone else but him and for the first time… it sucked. He did good in school, nobody could deny it. He joined a bunch of sports teams- baseball, rugby, athletics- it was in his nature to go out and play, whatever it may be.

He gave out a defeated sigh as he pulled away from his laptop, away from the essay he had to write for english. They were barely halfway through the term and already everyday was a battle of whether or not they could finish their work. GCSE was in the bag, no problem but the teachers were already starting to throw in concept that they would only learn in iB and being in the top classes, it wasn't helping the intense pressure of delivering every single piece of coursework or homework.

"You know, you could take it easy. Remember what Dr. Webber said about the scholarship, you could probably get it for next year. You get pretty good grades anyway" Derek said, walking into the room to see a defeated Owen at his desk.

"I don't want to probably get it, I want to definitively get it." he gave a low growl.

"Okay, that's fine. No need to get aggressive." Derek chucked, "Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Yang's starting to revise with Burke in the library, Mark is relieved. He gets the room for himself to do, god knows what, activities." Derek shuddered at the thought of the last sentence. "No fifteen year old should be doing that"

"He's a year older than us, relatively. He was born in 2002, we're born in 2003." Owen pointed out. "But him being Mark" He gave a slight disgusted grin. "I don't want to think of it." Then it hit him: Yang and Burke? "Wait, Yang and Burke are studying together?"

"Yeah you heard me, in the library for at least 2 and a half hours every other day. Slightly shocking to see Preston Burke outside of his room aside from class and dinner. He's become bolder, the rumours are true. That man is an arrogant piece of shit. Did you see him in Bio?"

"How could I forget" Owen scoffed. "'Oh yeah DNA contains a genetic code and proteins are made by reading the code in the DNA. Protein synthesis' blah blah" he mocked, making a face. "He's saying it like nobody knows it"

"I didn't know it" Derek mumbled, "But I did see it on our syllabus."

"Sometimes he's an absolute star but sometimes he's just an-"

"-ass." Derek finished off. "Yeah I know. But goddammit, he's smart. It's not like we're not good at Bio either. He's just way, way better than us."

"We should try and be friends with him, to get his notes." smirked Owen. "That is the type of cheating that is condoned."

"Both of us are competing for top of the class, there is no way we're going to be exchanging notes" exclaimed Derek.

"How do you know you're top of the class?"

"I've been told that we're frontrunner for top of the class for this science test. Ms Ali told me." Derek shrugged. "Beats being third in the entire year though."

"I'll take third, I'm always fourth or… fifth." Owen stated before forcible shutting his laptop "I can't do my work, can we go down for dinner?"

"Yeah sure"

"Have you had a chance to talk to Meredith?" Owen asked as he threw on his hoodie. Autumn was slowly creeping into Seattle, with subtly as it always did.

"No I haven't actually, none of Mark's advances are working and it's been three and a half weeks." Derek sighed in resignation.

"I could distract Cristina if you want." offered Owen.

"You're friends with Yang?" Derek asked, slightly taken aback. Cristina Yang was not someone you'd expect with friends. She was brutally honest, sometimes to an almost inhumane extent. That last thing Derek would think would be that Owen was acquainted with her.

"We talk" shrugged Owen. "She's not as bad as you think."

"She's pretty reserved, although I guess I don't know her well."

 _You don't, you don't know her at all._ Owen thought, but didn't bother saying it aloud. Derek wouldn't have got it anyway. "Mhm, I can talk to her during dinner if they're alone."

"Sure, whatever. Thanks Owen."

"What's Owen doing?" Mark said, walking up to the pair of them.

"Talking to Cristina Yang so I can talk to Meredith." Derek informed Mark. "Something that you still haven't achieved."

"I can do it, watch me tonight. I can do it." Mark said, a look of determination washed over his face,"I can do it."

"You know, I can just talk to her. You can drop the charade." Owen replied with a curved lips.

"There is no charade, Owen. I can get her away from his precious Meredith."

"She is not- she's my 'precious Meredith'" Derek protested. "Fuck off Mark, at least i'm not sleeping around."

"Sure Derek, you look at her as if you're Gollum from _The Lord of the Rings._ You can't stop looking at her, and Addie isn't happy about it."

"Addie is… what?" Derek said, reeling back. "She said she didn't like me, what is she on about?"

"I don't know man but you better solve it soon. She's been ranting tooth and nail about it"

"Did you sleep with her?" Owen blurted. He was curious every since Derek told him that Addison didn't like Derek anymore. The tension between them was there, everybody could feel it within a 1 mile radius of the pair. "Actually, don't answer that. I don't think I want to know."

"Yes I did actually," Mark grinned proudly. "Apparently I'm her first."

"... okay gross. I don't need to know, forget I ever asked." Owen said, gagging as he walked down the stairs.

Derek suddenly withdrew from the both of them, standing at the foot of the staircase, his shocked expression painted all over. She _what?_ He could feel his entire being sinking into his stomach, this was Addison he was talking about. She wouldn't- she wouldn't claim such a thing, let alone sleep with Mark, out of all the people she could sleep with. "She what? She claimed what?" Derek's voice was barely above a hoarse whisper. It was like the feeling when he knew he was going to get subpar on a test, he knew it. The intense feeling that slowly crept his way up his throat, choking the words out of him- essentially making him inaudible.

"Woah Derek, I'm just joking. Although she did say that… are you okay? You look slightly pale" Mark said.

"Derek? Talk to me buddy, you need to breathe." Owen had no clue what was going on with him, actually he did know. It was about Addison and Mark.

"Oh god Derek, are you okay?" A girl voice came shrilling in, it was Addison.

"Addison, do me a favour right now and just leave Derek alone. Or at least get him a glass of water then go away because I don't think you being here is the best for him at the moment." Owen said in a stern voice.

"W-what?" She asked, "Owen, he's as much of a friend to you as he is to me."

"Actually scratch that, just go" Addison protested trying to get to Derek but Owen stood in the way of the both of them "No Addison, now. I need you to leave now." his tone was blunt, commanding. "Mark get her out of here."

Mark looked as shocked as Addison but quickly regained his sense, "Come on Addison, let's go."

"No Mark, I'm not going to leave him. Look at him, he's pale and shaking-"

"And the last thing you want to worry about right now, he doesn't need you down there okay. Just come with me, it's fine." Mark said, tugging on her arm. He felt guilty of course, he could see Derek's expression morph when he said those words. He knew about Derek's fixation with Addison for about a year and a half, it wasn't old news. It was constant teasing material between him and Owen. "I'm sorry Derek."

"Mark, just get her out of here and I'll get Derek to an empty classroom." Owen said, "Derek, come on. Let's go."

Derek's legs felt like they were matches, thin and disposable as he walked with Owen to the nearest empty classroom. He should have expected an answer, he was trying to get on with his life and not get caught up about a girl he still saw and cared about. Addison was like a sister, she was family in his family of sisters. And now he was suffering because of his own incompetence of acting the feelings he felt towards her.

"Derek, listen, you need to be strong. Okay? You got this, Addison has nothing on you anymore. Not after Meredith."

"Yeah I know, just caught me by surprise" said Derek in a low voice, he never figured that Mark and Addison would sleep together so soon after… they did.

"Tell me about it, i'm sorry about Mark though. He was being an utter ass."

"I mean you asked," he laughed lightly, he was attempting a joke to show Owen he was okay. He felt okay as the dreading feeling recedes back into his body. "Look, i'm fine. I didn't expect them to sleep together not after… "

"Oh. My. God. You guys did it, didn't you?" Owen asked gobsmacked. Never in a million years would he expect Derek to lose it this early. I mean he was popular, girls crowded for him and his infamous hair that didn't need any product, but Owen would have never suspected that Derek Shepherd lost his virginity at fifteen.

Derek slowly nodded, closing his eyes. "It was quick then she told me she didn't feel the same way about me… that she liked Mark."

"I'm so sorry Derek" Owen paused, wondering how far to push it. "I mean, it was your first time was it her… ?" He asked, putting a hand on Derek's shoulder.

"I think so, she doesn't strike me as someone with lovers or be coupled up. I don't fucking know at this point." Derek sighed

"I don't think any of us do, honestly. I mean how are you even functioning?"

"How are _you_ even functioning?" Derek asked, Owen went through way more than the girl drama he was going through. So much more than he ever wanted to experience, even with his Dad's death and subsequent revelation of his infidelity that brought April to life, he never thought it was traumatic. He wasn't close to his dad, he was there for Derek but it was always his mom and five sisters.

"I don't know, put one foot in front of the other. Wake up, do everything and pray like hell it goes away." Owen knew better, he was throwing words out. He didn't know how he did it everyday, it still made his chest heave every single time he thought about her or if someone mentioned her. It was hard to go around and experience that on a day to day level. He hated how vulnerable he's become, how fragile. How, sometimes he couldn't even go to bed because of the memories that drove him from his sleep. He'd spend days awake, on his laptop while Derek would be sound asleep, hoping that every noise he made didn't wake his roomate up. It wasn't helping that Derek was a light sleeper but he normally made as little noise as possible, it was the least he could do to prevent him from waking up and tending to his everlasting needs. Owen knew that if Derek knew that he couldn't sleep it would be straight to a resolution to help solve the problem. Owen didn't need a solution, he needed peace after everything that has happened.

"You're lying" Derek accused, looking straight at Owen's blue eyes. "I've known you long enough to know when you lie."

"I'm not lying, it's what I do. If it doesn't work for you then so be it. You need to find a way" He lied through gritted teeth. "I'm not lying Derek, and whatever is going on with you and Addison, resolve it."

"I thought we were okay actually, she asked and I replied; saying we were okay… but I'm not okay. Not after this." He gave a cold laugh, devoid of any emotion he was feeling. "She has the nerve to want me back, what a conceited bitch."

"Maybe she's confused or maybe she does like you." Owen said pointedly, "But you know, I loved how she ran at you, insisting that she help you. That was kinda funny, I won't deny it."

"That was funny wasn't it" Derek said, giving a small grin. Whatever was going to happen, he was going to be okay. "I'll be okay, Owen. I don't cry over petty drama or mourn over the loss of my masculinity. I'm on the fucking baseball team, I'm can get over her easy."

"You're on the baseball team Derek, and a damn good player at that. Get over her, find someone you actually deserve… like Meredith."

"Meredith," he repeated. "That sound good."

"It does doesn't it" Owen smiled, "I, now, need to start thinking of ship names."

"Don't you dare" Derek threatened with a smile.

"Oh I will," Owen chuckled.

"Thank you Owen, it means a lot" Derek said, giving him a sincere look.

"Anytime, Derek. Anytime"

[]

Meredith saw as Derek froze at the foot of the staircase from whatever Mark and Owen said, she couldn't hear it nor could she hear her friends talking about anything else. They were talking about some sort of new movie that came out recently or something along those lines, Meredith zoned out the minute she saw Derek coming down from the stairs.

You see, she doesn't normally believe in love. Love was always scarce in her household, it destroyed her family (or her moms surgical ambitions) but in the end, Meredith never believed in it. It was too far fetched, yet now she was sitting and staring at a boy with magical esque hair.

"Meredith?" Cristina snapped her fingers in front of her friends face, "Are you even listening to us?" She followed her gaze and saw the Shepherds "Oh, for the love of-, Meredith!"

"What's she looking at?" Izzie asked, tilting her head to match Meredith's gaze before giving Cristina a audible "Oh" indicating that she's seeing what Meredith was seeing.

"What, what is it?" George said, "Which way? What is she looking at?"

"Derek, freaking, Shepherd." Cristina replied, her gaze lingered as she saw Owen haul him up and away from view. She had him as a friend, it was easy to talk to him without judgement. Nobody really took notice of there friendship, it wasn't all too particular. Talking late into the night or early morning, she didn't find it difficult to talk to Owen Hunt.

"Meredith?" George said, snapping his fingers in front and she snapped away from her gaze.

"What?" She snapped, breaking her gaze. "I wasn't looking at anything." she flushed pink as her friends rolled her eyes at her. "Okay, maybe I was looking at something."

"More like someone" Izzie mumbled. "I wonder what happened though.

"Apparently, Addison lost 'it'" Alex said, stumbling in the chair next to them. They all rolled there eyes towards the new member, he had, unfortunately, joined in there tutor group of transfer. And now they all had the delight of being acquaintances with Alex Karev.

"To who?" Izzie asked, suddenly turning her attention to Alex

"How do you know this?" Meredith said at the same time, turning back to the group.

"Who cares how he knows, why the fuck is he here?" George quipped. Out of everything, he wasn't a fan of Alex Karev. Ignorant asshole who seemed to think he knew everything, he had started to mellow out but he was still the incompetent ass that nobody really liked.

"Glad to see you too O'Malley," Alex retorted, "Sloan was bragging big time about it in the common room which you would know if you go there. I mean where else do you guys hang out?"

"That's none of your business, evil spawn." Cristina said, poking her vegetables with the metal cutlery.

"Scared I might intrude?" he replied, with a laugh.

"No we just don't want your presence," Cristina said bluntly. "I think we're done with dinner, I'm going to go study a bit in the library with Burke."

"You've been studying with Burke a lot, care to give us an insight to what he's like?" Izzie voiced. "Anything going on between the two of you?

"He's smart and I study with him. That's all that happens." Cristina replied. _Geez, if this is what's it's like if I study with someone, what would they think of me and Owen talking together?_ She thought before getting up with her tray. "I'll see you guys later."

"See you guys where?" Alex said with a slight snark in his voice.

"Shut up Alex" Meredith and George voiced in unison.

Cristina gave a small smile to herself as she heard her friends bicker about Alex, they were coming up on half-term soon but before that, the science test results would be revealed. She was excited, of course she was, it was time to prove her worth. She turned the corner to see if Owen was around, but he had probably went up already and with Derek, of course.

"Hey" a voice came behind and she jumped, turning around with her fists in a ball, ready to hit the person behind. "Woah, it's me."

"Don't do that" she scolded before giving him a smile. "I saw the fiasco with Derek, Meredith looked very concerned and lovey dovey… I might be a tad bit concerned for her mental health."

"I'm very concerned with Derek's at the moment," Owen shook his head, "He's insiting he's fine but-"

"-when people say they're fine they're rarely every fine, yeah I get it." She cut in, finishing his sentence.

"We are two very good but grim examples of that" he smiled at her. "I heard you're shacking up with Burke."

"I am not shacking up with Burke, I am studying" She replied, rolling her eyes to the back of her head."Who told you?"

"Mark, he's happy you know. Burke's out of his room for a while and he can do whatever he wants" Owen gave her a suggestive eyebrow raise and she immediately got the implications of what he was saying.

"Okay, gross I don't need to know the resident whore's sex schedule" she said reeling back slightly before hitting him in the shoulder playfully.

He gave a heartful laugh as she kept his eyes on her, her curly black hair trailing down her face and how her smile lit everything up. "So you and Burke?"

"Yeah we study together, big deal. I study with them as well but you know if you want to get the highest marks you learn from the best" she smiled slightly at him, "I'm actually going now, so I'll catch you later?"

"I have to deal with Derek, maybe" he shrugged, he didn't deny that Burke and Cristina studying together bothered him, only because he was told the man in question was an absolute egotistical jackass.

"See you stranger," and walked into the direction of the library. The librarian didn't look shocked at all as Cristina strode in with her books and laptop, heading in the direction of the back of the library. Burke was already there, delving into an iB biology book. She admired him for his perseverance at studying, not allowing any distractions to bother him, he fought forward taking everything he knew into his test. And it showed as well, top of the class in his year for three years, it was a Seattle Grace milestone. People who got top in the class only got it once, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and getting it three years in a row was mind boggling to Cristina.

"Cristina" he greeted, his mellow voice snapping out of his thoughts. Before he met Cristina, he had essentially no social life, the Shepherds were out of his league and way too atrocious for his liking. They were loud, intense and smart but not as smart as him. It was easy to beat them in test, even the smartest among them- Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery- were easy enough to knock down. Derek, never a challenge but Addison was more of a challenge but in the end he'd one up. But… Cristina was something, she was smart, there was no denying it. She had a fire that couldn't be quelled and she always, always found a way to solve almost everything. Burke would watch her study the syllabus as she would re-read the material then rephrase it and, if needed, ask the necessary questions. Her dedication and fire was unmatched, it reminded him of himself and another (kinda) friend of his, Erica Hahn but she left three years ago.

"Preston," she greeted back, setting her books down and flipping open her chemistry book.

"What are you studying?"

"Organic chemistry, studying ahead but it's pretty easy so I'm not too worried." she shrugged and went back to writing her notes.

"What is it, that we're doing here?" he suddenly asked, looking up from his book. He didn't know what this relationship was, study buddies? Friends? This had been going on for weeks, where he would just meet her, there would be no dialogue just writing in books and quizzing each other. It was infuriating, he wanted it to be more. Friends maybe.

"You need a definition?" She scoffed slightly, why is he asking this?

"I don't know what _this_ is, Cristina. Tell me, what is it to you?" he asked,

"I don't know, what are we doing now? We're studying so study friends?"

"Are we though? Shouldn't this garner more than friends Cristina? We see each other more than three times a week just studying. Why me out of everybody?" He asked, leaning forward. She slouched back, he knew the answers to his questions but he needed her to answer them. He needed the answer to come out of her mouth to solidify what he thought was the answer.

"Cause you're smart, top of your class" she failed to put in the fact that she had always admired just perseverance with his work. She read his essays, his investigations. Everything, it was all there, she wanted to be _him._

"I don't think I can only be smart for you, I need to be something else. Not just 'smart' or 'intelligent'."

"What do you want then?" She asked, tilting her head.

"You."

"W-what?" she stuttered out, this can't be happening. He can't be seriously implying this. "Why me?"

"You're smart and you complete me. You're everything and at the same time nothing, all you do is study."

"I am something, I am something" she said, cracking her book shut. Her phone flashed slighting, a text. She quickly checked to see who it was, it was Meredith.

Burke grabbed her phone from her and threw it to the side, out of the way. "You study, you're smart. Like me. You're exactly like me except I'm smarter than you, that's the only difference between us."

"Give me back my phone" she said in a low voice, she began packing up her things. "I'm not an item for you to keep."

"Then don't study with me, if you don't want to be friends then don't expect a study partner." He shoved his books into his bag. "It's simple, you want to be the best. But best is out of reach for you, because it's mine. But no reason for you not to be second best."

She ignored every warning sign that was flashing in her head, this was possessive, this was bad but he was right. She wanted to be the best, she was trying to be _the_ best and she couldn't do it without Burke's help. "Fine, friends."

He handed her phone back, with a slight grin on his face. It was victory, one for him and zero to her. He needed someone and finally that someone was here for him, "Okay, friend."

Cristina didn't reply, only flushing red and heading out of the library in a flurry. This wasn't how she wanted her time her to go, she didn't want to be an item on someones list. She deserved to be treated with respect, in any other circumstance she would have put her foot down but why not now?

He was right, she needed the help to get on the pedestal of top five in this school. She needed the extra boost but not like this, it was so wrong yet somewhere, it felt the right step in that direction. Burke was this carrot dangling puppeteer and she was the pig, following wherever the carrot went- following where the trail could be for her to finally get her prize of the carrot, she needed that carrot out of everybody. She needed it.

[]

As autumn started to creep into, students started to get more anxious. Tests started rolling in left right and centre, putting unnecessary pressure on them. The teachers weren't any happier, they were required to assign them for the reports card to write back to the students parents meaning every student in the school was walking on eggshells trying not to aggravate their teachers. Derek and Addison weren't on speaking terms while Mark- to Derek at least- was nothing more than the manwhore. Between them all, Owen seemed to be on good terms with everybody although it often lead too sitting through rants and tears with both of them trying to understand the situation. Derek, however, was completely denounced when it came to speaking with Addison while Owen had to sit through, at least, a litre of tears before he was allowed to leave.

"You know, they're posting the results today. In front of the science office, I hope I beat Addison's ass"

"You know, you should just apologise. Both of you will be the death of me," Owen said rubbing his temples. "And yes I know that they're posting the results. Hopefully my bio mark will boost my chem mark."

"You've never had a problem with chem, why now?" Derek asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Remember the material she gave us for energetic for the summer?" He cocked his head at Derek an and he instantly understood. "Yeah I didn't do the work"

"Oh," came Derek's reply. "What time is it anyway?"

"3:50, they're posting the results at 4:00. Do you want to get Meredith and kiss her or something?" Owen said with a slight laugh

"I-I don't want to get Meredith and kiss her… yet" Derek said, flushing red. "I've talked to her, thanks by the way. Did you see how Mark did it?"

"Yeah the 'I've been hitting on you for the whole week?'" Owen said, remembering the memory from a few days ago. His mouth was agape as he saw Cristina shrug him off and laughing, almost, maniacally as she walked away. It was amazing to see Cristina outright reject Sloan to his face.

"That was amazing, he was on his last straw. And his feeble attempt to get her to his room, my god." Derek said with a large grin.

"Her laugh though, that was the funniest thing." Owen said smiling.

"What is going on with you and Yang? You have a crush now?" Derek said, punching his arm. There was something going on between them, it was obvious how he could always talked about her in the way that was a unusual for a classmate.

"Not a crush, a friendship. It's a thing you know." Owen commented, crossing his arms.

"I mean, I'm just saying, it doesn't seem much of a friendship. I mean obviously it is but it seems like it's more than that."

"Jeez, I don't know Derek, what's you and Meredith's relationship at the moment? Cause you guys seem to be very touchy feely."

"We are not touchy feely." Derek countered as they started going up the staircase to the science floor.

"What is it with you and touching her hair when you guys are waiting outside the classroom huh?" Owen smirked, "Or just genuinely trying to flirt with her?"

"That was one time!" exclaimed Derek, "It's not like you weren't touchy feely with Beth."

"We were dating, that was different." The guilt from the break-up seemed to wash over, untamed memories came back. It was different now, that's how it was. He could never change it.

As they got nearer to the science office, they could see the crowd of students waiting anxiously for the results to come out. There were familiar faces in the crowd to both Derek and Owen, Mark and Addison were standing at the side. Derek intentionally went in the opposite direction of her, trying to avoid her at all cost. He could see Meredith within the crowd, next to her group of friends- Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex- and Burke trailing nearby. His presence was looming above the rest, Burke's presence couldn't be avoided, he was tall, brooding, basically unavoidable.

"Hey," Derek said, greeting Meredith as he shuffled beside her. The other four of her companions looked up and smirked before going back to there own conversation.

"Hey… " Meredith replied, very aware that she could blush any minute. "I assume you're waiting for the results."

"Yeah, all of us are" he gestured at the crowd and met Addison's gaze before turning away. "This is going to be fun,"

"Sure, fun… " came Meredith's sarcastic reply. "I don't get it, are you ever going to leave me alone?" Not that she wanted him too, but it was starting to get awkward for her.

"No, I don't think I will." His gaze momentarily trailed back to Addison but he pushed her from his mind. He couldn't be thinking about her, she was one of his best friends. He couldn't leave her, he couldn't just ignore her like he did for the past few weeks.

"I like you" Meredith confessed, "I like you, a lot."

Owen took his cue and left the two of them to ponder over there conversation, but he smiled inwardly as he walked towards Mark and Addison.

Derek looked at her, with tired shallow eyes but they lit up when she said those words. He wanted to hear it for such a long time now. "I like you too,"

"I don't know what to make of this, but I like you. I really do." She was very aware of her four friends (or three, excluding Alex) were eavesdropping behind her but they, of course, were minding their own business as they tried too.

"Meredith… "

"Shut up, for a minute-"

"Okay, the results are out. Move please so I can pin the pieces of paper up." Mr Benson announced as he tried to move through the crowd of people to get to the corkboard. "Here you are:"

Meredith and Derek's attention didn't immediately turn to the pieces of paper being pinned up. Derek grabbed her arm and dragged her near the stairwell at the far end of the building, within view of the science office but not within earshot of his or her other friends.

"Continue… we're never going to live it down if you say something cheesy in front of all of then." Derek said, cracking a smile.

"Okay fine, I like you. I really do. I think you're amazing, smart and your hair is to die for. But Addison-"

"Addison isn't any of your concern-" he interrupted only to be interrupted himself by her.

"Isn't she? Because she likes you Derek. I can see it, not difficult and she seems really nice. She's not hard to hate," he laughed lightly at the last comment, "She's annoyingly smart and unbelievable kind as well."

"Meredith, she isn't any of your concern because I don't really talk to her anymore. It's complicated but I don't like her anymore. She can like me but I like you more than her. I like you more than i'll ever like her. I really mean it Meredith."

"So what does this mean for us?" she said, eyebrow raised with a small curve tugging at her lips.

"Will you go out with me? Meredith Grey?"

"I will, Derek. No more meaningless, lost glances at one another or 'fake tripping' to touch me."

"That was one time" Derek commented, walking back towards the bulletin. He didn't have enough guts to hold her hand or do things that people normally did when dating one another. But now he had a date, finally a date. There was still a crowd of people around it but they started to dissipate after knowing there score.

"Meredith!" Cristina called out, reaching out to grab her friend from Derek. "Look!"

 _Scores for first threeway science assessment (TOP 5):_

 _Derek Shepherd 95%_

 _Preston Burke 93%_

 _Cristina Yang and Addison Montgomery 92%_

 _Meredith Grey and Alex Karev 86%_

 _Owen Hunt and Isobel Stevens 80%_

"I got third! Can you believe it?" Cristina was jumping up and down in abstract joy. It wasn't first but it was a start.

"Calm down, Cris." Owen voiced putting his hand on her shoulder to calm his friend down. Everybody looked over at Owen, mouths agape as they realised what he was doing. To everybody's surprise she just jittery stood there, and he gave her a small pat on the shoulder. "What?" he asked, slightly embarrassed as he realised that majority of them were looking at him.

"You're touching Cristina Yang." Izzie said, still in slightly shock.

"Nevermind that, he called her Cris" Mark said, walking up. Addison was closely behind and Burke was behind them all, his brooding presence unmatched to anyones.

"So? She's my friend." Owen commented.

"Exactly, why isn't he allowed to do that?" Cristina said, still suffering from a sugar high from her test results. She momentarily caught Burke's gaze and could tell he was unhappy. She quickly removed Owens hand from her shoulder and looked down onto the floor. "I'm going to go, see you later."

"Cristina?" Owen asked, puzzled. And then he saw it… the judgemental gaze of Burke watching Cristina as she walked down the stairs. What the fuck was going on?

"Cristina wait!" Meredith called out to her but her friend continued going down the stairs without looking back.

"What's up with her?" Izzie asked, "She was so happy and now she's silent."

"Maybe-" Alex started before Meredith turned around to meet his gaze.

"Don't you start" she snapped. "I'm going to check what's wrong. Congrats on your scores by the way."

George was slouching at the sidelines. As he thought about the score he got, it wasn't amazing but it wasn't bad. He just wasn't a genius apparently.

 _7\. George O'Malley and Mark Sloan 72%_

He gave a sigh and watched as Meredith walked down the stairs, the rest of them started to fan-out. He was mad, of course he was, he was going from 90% to 72%, it wasn't good enough for him.

"How'd you feel Georgy? Being on the same level as Mark Sloan?" George gladly ignored Alex as he walked with them towards the dormitories. "I mean, it's not amazing but it's decent. It's an A so I guess it's given. It's pretty good considering you're you-" They turned the corner to the floor of the dorms and he could see Meredith and Cristina out in the hallway talking. "-George, honestly don't take it to heart. You probably could get higher but this time I got higher, I mean 72% is pretty good for you-" George couldn't take his idiotic attitude anymore, he reeled back and tackled Alex onto the ground before throwing a punch at his left eye.

"Shut up! Alex, fucking shut up!" He growled.

"George!" Meredith and Cristina yelled rushing to pull him off Alex. Cristina grabbed George and forced him in the other way, away from Alex while Meredith held Alex back. "Back off George, come on back up."

Alex held his stance, ready to pounce but Izzie stood in front of him with her hand out, "Back off Alex,"

Meredith held Alex back, trying to see if George was okay. "What did you do?" She asked, Alex could taste the blood seeping in, he touched his hand to his mouth and felt the sting of an open wound.

"Just back off Alex," Izzie implored, standing in front of Alex now. "Meredith go check up on George. I'll take care of Alex over here."

"I don't need you take care of me" he spat, the aching feeling of the punch still lingered.

"Drop the 'I'm-so-proud' act please. It's getting annoying, let me take a look at that eye." Izzie said, forcing his head to turn in her direction. "I mean, no open wound except the one on your mouth. I'll get you some ice from the nurse."

"I can get the fucking ice." he grunted.

"Alex, for once, don't be so annoying. I'll get the ice okay?" And she sat him down on the floor as she turned around to get the ice for his eye.

Mockery was something that Alex was accustomed too, he was either the bully or the one beating people up. He never felt the other end of the line, the bullied. It was a change and, he'd be lying if it didn't hurt his ego just a bit.

"Here" she said, handing him an ice pack. "How does it feel?"

"You don't have to take care of me, I'm fine. Just a bruise."

"Let me see, again. There might be swelling."

"How many fucking-" she yanked his head to the side to examine the swelling, ignoring his bickering,

"Minimal swelling, George really knocked you out good." she remarked.

"He's a lightweight, I could have pinned have pinned him in a second" he replied, placing the ice pack on his eye.

"Then why didn't you?" she said, folding her arms together.

"Oh please, i'm on the baseball team and the wrestling team. I can't afford to damage my hands" he said. "And besides, i'm not going to waste my punches on O'Malley."

"You had it coming" she said, rolling her eyes. Before hauling him up, and forcing him to walk towards his room.

"He punches like my sister" he shot back to Izzie.

"So by your definition… you got beat up by a girl?" She didn't wait for a reply only opening Meredith's dorm room door to check on George. She felt a retort or a quip coming but instead he just walked away. "Way to go George," Izzie cheered, sitting on Meredith's chair.

"Yeah, I swear, I would have done it sooner or later. Thank god you did it" Meredith commented, popping a chip into her mouth. "Half term break starts tomorrow, thank fuck for that."

"Good job knocking out Evil Spawn." Cristina mused, reaching out her hand to get a chip.

George was inaudible, he didn't want to talk about the fight with Alex. He didn't mean too, about 28% of his brain was happy that he punched him while the other 72% was screaming how wrong it was to knock out another student. He wasn't proud of it, not at all. His parents raised him better than this.

"What's going on between you and Owen by the way?" Izzie asked, looking quizzically at Cristina.

"Nothing." Cristina replied with a shrug. Then she remembered Burke's gaze, and she tried to shake the feeling of dread away.

"I mean, you normally don't let anyone touch you."

"You've just never touched me before… but don't, don't touch me though. I'm not a touchy feely girl but Meredith is very touchy feely."

"I am not touchy feely" Meredith exclaimed.

"McDreamy and his fascination with your hair." Cristina pointed out. "He wants someone else to have the same level of perfect hair as himself so he'd be teased less"

"His hair is perfect though" Izzie remarked, reaching for the chip bag. "Dammit you guys, you left all the small pieces."

"Oh well, you snooze you lose." Cristina said, and she could see a flicker of orange outside. "Actually, I'll go get some more."

"You're being nice? What is up with you? And can it happen more often" Izzie chimed.

"Very funny, i'll get the chips to celebrate my third place, placing on the top five."

Meredith indicated towards George who was rocking back and forth clutching a pillow. Cristina gave him an apologetic look and left the room, she could see Owen lingering outside and she desperately needed to talk to him. "Owen." she heaved a sigh of relief.

"Cristina," he greeted. "Burke is being an ass, I saw the way he looked at you-"

"Owen, it's fine. I'm getting a bag of chips, care to come with?" she cut in, she knew that he would talk about this.

"Fine, but Cristina that isn't okay. You're not a possession for him to keep." he intoned.

"It's fine. He's my problem, I'm not going to be highest if I don't have his help."

"You're doing fine on your own, you got top five just fine." Owen was trying, desperately to make her see the error in her ways before she regrets it.

"Is this your saviour complex going into overdrive or something? He's fine, i'm fine." Internally she was screaming that she wasn't, and how this wasn't okay for her. He was using her, and she hated it but she did it anyway. Why? "Why do you care?"

"I care because you're my friend." Owen remarked, _one of my closest friends actually._ But he didn't say it outloud. "I care and I'm looking out for you."

"I'm fine Owen, I really am. He's just different, he needs a friend to talk to and stuff. I can fend for myself"

"I know you can, you fend way to much shit by yourself. It's not good for you." Why couldn't she understand?

"Look Owen, I appreciate you doing this. I can protect myself, okay?

"Okay" he said, slightly defeated. Why did he care so much? "Come on, go get those chips, otherwise your friends are going to be waiting."

"I know, did you see top five though. 92% Let's go!" she cheered slightly, getting back the enthusiasm she had in the afternoon.

"I know, i'm so proud of you" Owen said, patting her on the shoulder. "You deserve it, friend"

"I know I do" she remarked with a grin.

She couldn't be anyone else, this was who she was and Owen appreciated it. She was cold, calloused, sometimes even unfeeling to some people but she was everything Owen wanted to be. Not the cold and calloused part but the loyal, loving person that she could be. "You deserve it, and next time you'll be at the top" He pushed her hair out of her face and she gave him a small smile.

"I know I will"

Burke was watching by the sidelines, eyes closing in on the two friends. Cristina was… smiling. Why couldn't she be like this to him? He knew she got the message when he glared at her during the realisation that she got top three. He was still dealing with the fact that he got second and lost 2% to Derek Shepherd. Preston Burke will not get second to anyone, not even Cristina.


	6. Chapter 6: Waking Up From Nightmares

**hope y'all had a good christmas and new years, i apologise for not updating. schools really been an ass lately because of my mocks and i just haven't found the time to write and edit a decent chapter. anyway, without further ado, here's Boarded In: Chapter 6!**

 **disclaimer, everything belongs to Shonda Rhimes and Co, I own nothing.**

[]

 _She heard the screeching of tires as she rammed her head in the front, slamming it against the front of the car. Pieces of glass flew in her face, cutting her exposed skin. The vehicle halted to a stop, fumes and smoke arose, filling her lungs with tar and soot._

 _Cristina wanted to fall asleep, she wanted to fall asleep bad. Doze off and never wake up, maybe it was finally her time to go. But she couldn't, "Dad? Daddy?" There was blood, why was there blood? Was it hers? She turned to see her father's chest open, with a glass shard lying on the ground. It had cut through his chest and he was bleeding out. His breath was ragged, inconsistent as he struggled to breath. She inched closer, before giving a low sounding cough. It sounded bad, it was bad. There car engulfed in fumes, no fire. Not yet, and hopefully never. She flipped open her dads phone that was in the coaster and dialed 911. Her voice was hoarse as she felt the tears streaming down her face, she tried to describe it the best they could and they insisted that they were sending an ambulance to help her._

" _Dad? Please don't die. Please." She placed her hands on his chest, trying keep his chest closed, trying to stop the fucking bleeding. His warm blood escaped the folds of his skin, his breathing becoming more inconsistent by the minute as he attempted to stay alive._

 _The open wound still gushed with blood but it started to slow, and his breath was heavy. But he was alive, for now at least. Her heart heaved, trying to wrap her head around everything that had just happened. She felt the heaving heartbeat of her father's heart in her hands, she could feel it moving up and down._

 _Then his heart started to beat slower, more periodically, too much time in between each beat. It was tired too, it just needed to give out. She could hear the sirens in the distance, calling out as it drove towards the crash. Cristina's hands remained on her fathers chest, then she felt nothing._

 _Nothing. His heart stopped beating._

She woke up shaking, the tears streaming down her face as she realised that she wasn't back in her car. She was in a dorm room with Meredith but Cristina's world started collapsing, it felt like her hands were still on his chest. The aircon hit her heated face and it just reminded her of that day, when the crash happened. She still felt the fresh air hit her as the paramedics opened the door to escort them out. She felt numbness encapsulate her entire body as the paramedics hauled them out, she could see civilians around her with cuts but everybody seemed alive. Why only him?

The black body bag was enough, her hand were caked in his blood. It started to flake off and drying up in the bright heat of the Californian sun. She still felt it, her cheeks were flushed even in the cold Seattle air. Her breath started to slow down, as she made her way to the bathroom to clean her face. Her bloodshot eyes, her shaking body, the cold shivers that made her want to crawl into a ball and cry.

She was more than thankful that Meredith was a heavy sleeper, it would have been hell to tell her about this. It had been months where she was reliving the crash. Every. Single. Night. It now dissipated into the sidelines, only coming back to haunt her every so often but now it's back, like before. Stronger, quicker and way more destructive. Why?

 _Blood, so much blood._

The image of the crimson liquid flooding out of the wound, came back escalating her steadying breath. She gripped the side of the bathroom as she grabbed her towel to try and muffel her wails. It hurt, everything- her head, her chest, her airways- it just hurt. She snaked her arms around herself, trying to try to stop her body from shaking from her convulsive sobbing.

"Cristina?" Meredith's voice rang through the air.

 _So much for being a heavy sleeper,_ Cristina thought. "Y-yes?" she hated how her voice faltered, how it cracked. She was supposed to be strong, someone who didn't let emotions take control. This wasn't the Cristina she knew, it wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be different.

"Cristina?" Meredith repeated, her voice transitioning from a groggy slur to questioning tone. Waking up with Cristina bed empty was starting to become common, especially in the morning when she found her bed empty and instead she was sitting in the common room studying. "Are you okay?"

 _What do you think?_ Cristina thought bitterly, but she didn't voice it for obvious reasons. She didn't need this. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"I mean your bed is empty and I heard-"

"Have you heard of going to the bathroom?" Cristina interrupted, she wasn't interested in this conversation. _Just get out._

"You know what I mean, this isn't the first time you and I know that."

"I'm fine, really-"

"Cut the bullshit Cristina, you're not okay. You are not okay, even how much you think you are. I've woken up so many times to your empty bed in the morning. Stop bullshiting me." Meredith snapped. "Please," her voice had grown softer, trying to express her frustration at her friend. "Please… just stop saying you're okay when you're not. It's not okay, _you're_ not okay."

Cristina didn't say anything, allowing the room to be caked in silence. She didn't want to talk about it, especially this. Anything but this.

"Look… you're not okay. And you know it and I know it so stop pretending that you're okay. You're not helping yourself, I have a mother who doesn't care about me and thinks surgery is her life job. I don't have a dad in the house, I have every reason to break down and I still haven't. Not that it has any significance, just talk to me Cristina. Please" insisted Meredith. "Please, just try."

"I can't" her voice came out hoarse, like sandpaper. "I just can't, okay. I don't need this stupid feeling. I can't- I don't want too, okay?" she heard Meredith give a sigh and she knew what was coming next. "But I will, I'll try. Because- "

"Because?" Meredith cut in.

"Shut up let me finish." The waves of numbness still haven't passed, "Because you're my person, okay." She unlocked the bathroom stall, facing Meredith for the first time. Tired eyes and tear-stained cheeks still visible. "Anyway, whatever. I'll try, doesn't mean i'll do it now."

"I am?" Meredith asked, slightly dumbfounded at the statement.

"You are my person." Cristina reiterated, wiping away the forming tears.

Meredith stepped forwards at wrapped herself around Cristina, engulfing her in a small hug.

"This constitutes hugging?" asked Cristina, genuinely surprised at the gesture.

"Shut up, i'm your person. It's my job to know these things" Meredith said with a small smile on her face.

They sat in silence for a minute, rocking back and forth ever so slightly as friends should. Meredith didn't release her grip on Cristina and for once, Cristina didn't complain about the bodily contact. The only hugs she would except would be from Owen and those were brief, when they were talking about there pent up emotions.

"You're my person." Cristina agrees. "You're my person."

[]

He shoved the test paper in his bag, the feeling of disappointment rising in his chest. Owen wasn't pleased, he barely made par. The sleepless nights weren't helping him and the constant silence between Derek and Addison definitely weren't helping. It was like being wedged in between a married couple except they weren't even married, barely talking and about to get a divorce. His eyelids voluntarily shut as he let out a sigh of relief, as the bell rang overhead. He didn't need the teacher belabouring the fact that he got lower than he normally would.

Owen slung his backpack over his right shoulder and stroud out of his class, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cristina with Burke. It was happening a lot lately, the towering figure of Preston Burke and Cristina at his side. He'd be lying if he said it didn't bother him, of course it bothered him. Cristina Yang wasn't one to be at the side, she was never at the side. She either shared the spotlight- not willingly, of course- or she had it all by herself. She was the longest person that he had known to put up with Burke, aside from Erica Hahn but they all knew she was a bitch anyway.

"Hey Cristina" he greeted as he walked past her to get to the common room before inwardly cursing at himself when seeing Burke's protruding glare as he walked by.

He knew better than to walk by Cristina when she was with Burke, it wasn't smart. He kept her like an item, a possession like she wasn't even a human being. If he did walk past her, he couldn't even say hi or a simple greeting. Burke's eyes would narrow every time he saw Cristina with someone else, even Meredith. He felt he was losing a friend, a very dear friend. And he hated the feeling of losing someone.

"Which is it you're thinking about? School or the fact that Cristina is still with Burke?" Derek asked, smirking as Owen plopped himself down on the common room sofa.

"How'd you kno-, oh forget it. Of course…" He needed the steer the conversation elsewhere, "How are you and Meredith?"

"Oh no Hunt, you're not slipping by so easily." Derek said, giving him a grin. "What is it?"

"School." Owen answered bluntly.

Derek raised his eyebrow at him but said nothing, he knew about Owen and Cristina's friendship but he didn't know the extent of it. They rarely talked about each other, well they did but it would be throwaway comments about her personality- or rarely- a rant or two about Burke. It was no secret that Preston Burke was getting bolder, more confident, allowing his arrogance to be shown. "Me and Meredith are good, better than good. First date was good."

"That's good, can you please-"

"No, i'm not speaking to Addison." Derek cut him off midsetence. He knew what he was going to say, and he had no intention of speaking to her.

"How did you know?" he said letting out an exasperated sigh.

"I knew you were going to ask, but no I'm not talking to her. I'm happy now, with Meredith. We're happy." Derek shrugged, stating it plainly. "And here she comes"

"But not to you" Owen said, trying to stifle his yawn

Meredith walked in with Izzie, Alex and George as they sat themselves down in the far corner of the common room. Cristina followed behind and Owen trailed her movement as she sat down next to Meredith, she didn't look like she got enough sleep, again.

"Go over to your girlfriend," Owen prodded.

"Why?"

"She looks sad,"

"You just wanna talk to to Cristina." answered Derek with a sigh.

"And that too." Owen replied. "Look at her, she definitely isn't getting enough sleep."

"She looks fine to me," Derek stated plainly. "You on the other hand, you barely get any sleep."

"I get sleep" defended Owen, "I get sleep."

"Not enough sleep" Derek pointed out. "Don't try to hide it, it's obvious."

"I'm not hiding it" Owen said, defeated. "I just… I don't want to talk about it okay."

"Fine, that's not a problem. When you're ready to talk about it, i'll be right here."

"Or you'll be shacking up with Meredith" Owen said with a smirk.

"Shut up" Derek said, throwing a pillow in his direction as he tried to cover the blushing that was creeping in on his cheeks. "Come on, let's go." Derek picked up his backpack and brought himself over to where Meredith's sitting. Creeping behind her, he gently placed his head against her shoulder. Derek saw her lips form a slight curve as she pretended not to take immediate notice of his presence looming over her.

Owen stood behind, keeping his distance from the group as eyes started to dart to the couple in the chair. The fire roared in the background, sending a wave of warmth to him. He watched as Derek cadoodled Meredith and did what couples did, being all adorable and sweet. His eyes were kept firmly on the couple in front as he tried to suppress a smile, he was proud of Derek for moving on. However the one person who wasn't looking up was Cristina, her face absorbed into the book infront as she cram the information into her brain.

Before he could say a word to her, the bell rang again, calling them to there next class. The group of them started to get up, everybody except Cristina. Owen walked over and pulled the book out of her hands. "Come on it's time for science."

She gave a small frown as she gathered her books, her tired eyes drooping slightly. "Yeah I know, but like books." She attempted to crack a joke in her dazed state but ended up sounding flat and unenthusiastic. Cristina tried to gather her stuff but almost fell over due to lightheadedness.

"Woah, woah. Slow down there, i'll grab it." Owen said stepping forward to stabilize her before reaching over to grab her bag. "How much sleep have you been getting?"

"Enough," was her only answer. She didn't need Owen to worry about her too.

"Definitely not enough," he comments as he lead her out of the common room and walked in the way of there science class.

She didn't reply, only looking ahead. The cold air wrapped around her as she walked through the bridge to get to the science block. There friends chatting away outside and she saw the looming figure of Burke. Cristina grabbed her backpack from Owen and tried to act as normal as possible as she approached them.

Owen noticed, of course he noticed, he was standing right there for fuck sake. Cristina eyes darted to the floor the minute they all assembled outside there science classroom, he went to stand near Derek and Cristina in between Meredith and Izzie. He watched the gaze of Burke as it darted to Cristina- eyes narrowed- judging every movement she was doing.

"Okay class, go in. Don't just loiter!" Ms Anders yelled as they all shuffled into there chemistry classroom.

Cristina walked in and sat down next to Meredith like she always did, she didn't feel okay. _This_ wasn't okay, the lack of sleep she's been getting. She hated how she couldn't talk to Owen or Meredith or anyone, even though the promised she would. She rubbed her temples, trying to grasp the situation around her, it was now turning to whether or not she could get through until the next day.

The class whizzed by, but Cristina payed little to no attention to it- only lying on her desk with her head propped up. She already had the notes to it but it was more of a fight to try not to lose consciousness in the last class of the day. The moment she said that they could pack up and leave seemed music to her ears, it meant relaxing- even if it was just a bit.

Meredith tried to suppress a grin as Derek bounded over after class, and giving her a small hug. Izzie rolled her eyes with an amusing grin plastered on, as she looked at the couple. George preoccupied himself with his notes and Alex was awkwardly waiting for them to go.

"What's up with Yang?" Alex asked, looking over Izzie's shoulder.

"Probably overworking herself as usual."

Cristina didn't have the willpower to answer, she felt strong arms behind her and saw Owen standing above with her backpack in his hands. "Here, you need to get some rest."

"Stop, i'm fine." Cristina snapped.

"Cristina…"

"I'm fine Owen, just leave me the hell alone." She muttered as she walked out of the classroom.

"Seriously though, what is wrong with her?" Alex asked, tilting his head.

"Shut up, Evil Spawn." George mumbled, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"He's not all evil you know," Izzie muttered back, "You just don't know him."

"I know him enough," George grunted. "I'll see you later."

"Where you going?" Izzie called out, _Crap._ She thought, she knew her friends opinions on Alex. This wasn't the best time to bring it up.

"Need to get a sample paper for Global for mocks, i'll see you later"

Owen creeped over near Derek, as the couple continually flirted with each other. "Derek can I borrow your girlfriend for a minute?"

"Why?"

 _Oh fuck it_ , he thought. _Might as well say it aloud._ "What's wrong with Cristina?" he said, pointing the question to Meredith.

"She didn't sleep well last night," she shrugged. "She's okay, I think but you know she hasn't been sleeping well many nights."

"Like you Hunt" Derek pointed out. "You both don't get enough sleep, you can be sleepless night buddies"

"This isn't about me" Owen replied to Derek before turning his attention back to Meredith, "Okay thanks, i'll try and talk to her."

"Good luck to that," Meredith said. Why would she be willing to tell Owen things that she didn't know? Besides she was Cristina's person, not Owen. She saw him leave in a haste, presumably to find there mutual friend between them. She didn't think much of it, Cristina never talked about Owen. It was discreet but it was there.

"One more week of mocks and then Christmas." Derek said, placing his head on her shoulder as she packed her bag.

"One more week until we're free." Meredith agreed.

[]

Her footsteps were louder than usual, echoing off the floor of the building. The cold air wrapped around her body as she got closer to her destination before she felt strong arms pull her aside and dragging her to a small area of the corridor, remotely away from the main route. She hoped it was Owen, so she could break down and talk but to her dismay it was Burke.

She refused to meet his gaze, looking down as they stood in silence. Both of them refusing to say a word before he broke it. "Where were you during break?"

"With Meredith."

"Why'd you come to science with Owen?"

"He's my friend too." Cristina mumbled. She could tell that he was annoyed, it was a thing that he tried to bring up several times and she would always answer with short-stilted answers.

"Cristina, i'm sorry, I really am. i'm trying to make this 'friendship' thing work. You need to tell me things," He said, daring her to snap. Pushing her to her limits. "Even Meredith and your weird group of people, you never tell me what's going on with them." he said, trying to push down the rising feeling of disgust. "You spend so much time with her. How about me?"

"You do not get to dictate who I can be friends with" she snapped, finally looking up. She was tired and frustrated and the last thing she needed was this from Burke. "Those _weird group of people_ are my friends" she said in a low whisper.

"Explain it to me, how does someone like you find friends like that?"

"You know what, i'm not talking about this today." She started to walk away, before she felt his cold hands wrap around her arm.

"No, we are talking about _this,_ today." He demanded, fire danced in his eyes. Ready to fight the battles he knew he needed to fight to have Cristina be his.

"No we're not." she said flatly. "Let me go."

"No, i'm not. We're talking now."

"Let me go," her voice grew had a slight edge with fear and panic laced between her words. "Let me go!"

"No."

"Burke, fucking let me go." She said, her voice grew frantic. Why wouldn't he let go?

"No, not until you explain it to me-" He objected.

"What's going on here?" Owen asked, looking at Cristina then back and Burke. Then he saw his grip on her wrist and her face streaked with panic. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Let her go." Owen snapped, standing behind Cristina. He heard the fight as he was looking for her and, of course, they were arguing. He saw the anger dancing in Burke's eyes, ready to pounce.

"Owen." she breathed a visible sigh of relief as she collapsed into his arms as Burke released the grip on her arm.

"This is between me and Cristina, this has nothing to do with you." hissed Burke.

"Clearly this has something to do with me, otherwise you wouldn't be looking at me like that." Owen pointed out. _Keep your cool._

"This is between me. And Cristina." he repeated through gritted teeth.

He looked down at the trembling figure of Cristina who was sleep deprived. She didn't even look like herself, not her normal badass self who was an absolute god in everything. No, this was the vulnerable Cristina that he rarely saw. "No, she will talk to you another day or never."

"This has nothing to do with you Hunt" he growled. "Fine, since Cristina isn't answering me. Answer this one question. What is your relationship with her?"

"We're friends, how oblivious are you?" Owen snapped, "Are you done?"

"I understand that, but have you ever considered that I am her friend too? You guys are to explosive, you shouldn't be in her life."

"She has a right to decide who she can be friends with, _Burke._ " he enunciated the last word like a knife, prodding the beast in front of him. "What is your problem?"

"My problem is with you."

"Yeah that's it we're leaving, this is why you have no friends,"scowled Owen "Come on Cristina-"

"There is no _we_ here." Burke interrupted. "I can take her from here."

"Oh no, you're not. You were fighting a minute ago, you guys clearly aren't okay. I'm going to ask you to stand back and i'll take her to her room."

"You have no control over me."

"And you have no control over her, let her decide." Owen said, challenging the man in front of him. He was in no way afraid of Preston Burke, he might be getting better grades but that does not mean he could boss people around.

Her voice could barely be heard, she was so tired. "Owen… let's go." she said softly. She saw Burke's face fall, and Owen celebrating in hidden joy. She couldn't deal with Burke's bullshit right now.

He helped her up, grabbing her backpack in the process. Burke felt the fire in his stomach growing as he watched the pair of 'friends' walk away. Cristina may have gotten away with it this time, but it won't be long. Owen and her group of friends were merely a distraction from her final goal, becoming a surgeon. He knew it, he could see the dedication in her eyes as he watched her study. They were only going to get in the way, especially her gang of misfits. This wasn't going to last, he was going to make it not last.

[]

He opened the door to her dormitory, and she instantaneously collapsed onto the bed. Cristina never thought that she would be thankful to sleep, she was always in the understanding that it would disrupt her studies but she slept without much of a hitch.

 _The weight of the glass hitting her face, the smoke she inhaled. The blood… the blood on her hands. Why was there blood?_

" _Dad?" she said, trying to breath through her mouth. The blood was leaking, her small hands tried to force it back in. "No! Please don't die, please… please don't die." She looked up, expecting to see her father in the driver's seat but instead it was her brother._

 _Why was there blood? Why no pills?_

 _Blood, so much blood._

 _Why?_

Her lungs were screaming for air, the heat that enveloped her whole body refused to dissipate. Her breaths were erratic as she was reminded that this is why she didn't sleep, she felt strong arms wrap around her and she leaned in when she realised that it was Owen.

 _Owen._

He cradled her gently as she cried into his chest. Gulping down the instant realisation that this is what he looked like when he woke up from his nightmares. She was sleeping so peacefully as he did his work in the background. But it was soon disturbed, he could see her toss and turn in bed. Her breath becoming faster, and sweat starting to fall from her head. He watched as she woke up in tears, gasping for air. "Shh, it's okay" he whispered, scooping her up in his arms. _I got you, Cristina. I got you._

Her group of friends burst into the room, with Derek behind and there elated mood was soon replaced by puzzled glances as they saw what Owen was doing. They could hear Cristina's periodic hiccups as she tried to dispel the memories that has haunted her for so long- that still haunt her.

Owen indicated that they should leave and it didn't take them long to realise that they should, they backed away slowly and left.

"It's okay, okay?" He said, rocking back and forth. "Go to sleep, you need it."

Her breath started to to slow, as he rocked her back to sleep. She felt safe in his arms, it wasn't like it was before. He could hear his heart as she leaned in on his chest, slowly sleep seemed to circle her- pulling her to the depths below. "Thank you" she managed to mumbled out, as sleep grasped her again, enclosing her in darkness.

Owen relaxed slightly, propping up some pillows to make it more comfortable for him. Her delicate arms were still wrapped around him and he barely relaxed his grip on her, incase she woke up because of her nightmares.

He watched her chest rise and fall to her breaths, brushing her hair out of her face. Owen felt himself get sleepy as well, but the last thing he needed was for him to wake up, covered in sweat with his erratic breathing. His mind trailed back to early in the day, and every memory made his blood boil- especially regarding Burke.

" _My problem is with you,"_ Burke's words echoed in his minds, why would he have a problem? When would he understand that Cristina wasn't a possession for him to keep. Why would Cristina even be friends with someone like him? He was barely tolerable in Owen's eyes, Cristina didn't need him on his back, demanding her to spend time with him.

"How is she?" a voice disrupted his thoughts as he heard the door close quietly.

He looked over and saw Meredith at the door, lips pursed as she waited for Owen to answer her question. "She's not okay but she's Cristina."

"She isn't okay, i've known that for a long time," Meredith's eyes narrowed as he saw Cristina against his chest.

"She woke up crying," answering the unanswered question that was looming overhead.

"She looks peaceful," Meredith commented, sitting down on her own bed.

Owen nodded his head, he didn't know what to fill the awkward silence between him and Meredith. "So… how are you and Derek?"

"We're good, i'm happy." she shrugged. "Look I know you're trying to make small talk-"

"I'm just seeing-" Owen tried to interrupt her.

"Let me finish first, I just want to see her be happy. I'm happy now, with Derek. And she's not. I don't know your relationship with her- friend, boyfriend-"

"Friend is just fine" he grunted in response.

Meredith looked straight into his eyes, looking for anything that screamed alert but nothing came. She didn't know of him, only that he was Derek's best friend and that he was somewhat friends with her person. "Yeah okay, but she's hurting and she doesn't talk about it. I woke up so many times to find her bed empty and she would be up by the ledge reading her textbook. I don't know what happened aside from her father's death, she doesn't share. You know Cristina, she doesn't do emotions but they break her like everyone else." She took a deep breath and continued, "She stays up late, she's killing herself you know? She tires herself out to go to sleep so she doesn't need to dream… and she doesn't eat too. She studies, all she does is study because of Burke. He's slowly killing her too. She doesn't realise it but he is, he doesn't let her spend time with me or Izzie or George or Alex. As much as Alex is an ass, he's better than Burke."

Owen said nothing, letting the information sink in. He felt his stomach sink to the revelation of what she was doing to herself.

She looked at Cristina's calm figure next to Owen, sleeping soundly without much of a problem. She felt a pang of jealousy, Cristina was her person and vice versa. "Don't hurt her more… please. She doesn't need that."

"I'm not planning too, i'm not planning to hurt her or add on. Burke is… he's something." Owen said, responding to Meredith. "She's hurting, she really is. Burke, they were arguing about friends. He wants to control her, have her all to himself."

"That's not okay, I will hurt him." Meredith said, exasperated.

"Yeah I realise that isn't okay, but you need to know because you're Cristina's best friend. Watch out for her, she needs it- she needs you."

"She needs you more from the looks of it" Meredith pointed out, trying to push down the feeling of rising jealousy. But she knew that he was just looking out for her.

"I think… she needs both of us" Owen pointed out, stroking Cristina's curls. He saw Meredith's hostile approach to him. "I'm not going to hurt her, I know you're looking out for her and I'm not going to suddenly replace you. She needs you as much as she needs me, if anything she'll probably need you more. I'm looking out for her too."

"I don't know what she wants," she sighed and rubbed her temples. "And I definitely don't know what she needs."

"She needs you, and you're Derek's girlfriend, I just want to get along with you" Owen said.

"I don't know." Meredith shrugged, "I don't get along with people easily but I'll try because you're best friends with Derek. And she seems to like your company." Pointing at the sleeping Cristina.

Both of them sat in a comfortable silence as they tried to think about what to say to Cristina when she woke up. Owen didn't let go of her, or change position. He was perfectly content with where he was with her. Derek eventually came in, sitting next to Meredith as they did some homework while the rest of Cristina's friend group also came into the room- all of the giving him puzzled glances as he had the slumbing Cristina in his arms.

He didn't care what the thought of him, Cristina was safe that's all that mattered to him. "You guys can go to dinner first, i'll wait for her to wake up."

"If she wakes up, she looks really comfortable." Alex commented. "What's up with you and Yang though? First the touching of her shoulder and now she's sleeping on you."

Derek, for the second time today, raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he normally did. He couldn't deny that Owen looked good with Yang, treating her with decency when she came off as a robotic, hard working kid. Maybe she was human after all. He gently played with Meredith's hair, watching a blush creep on her cheeks as he did.

"We're friend, Karev. Just friends nothing more." Owen replied, he caught Derek gaze and knew instantly what he was thinking, only rolling his eyes and turning away. "As I said, you can go to dinner first. I'll be right here."

They all started to get up from there chairs, whispering and in there own little bubble. Izzie saw the tear tracks that stained her face as Cristina slept on Owen's chest. It broke her heart ever so slightly, _so the Robot does have emotions after all._

The group of them gathered at the door, before a gentle knock broke them out of there formation. It creeped open and Mark appeared, with Addison closely behind. Derek looked hollow and disinterested, starting to pay more attention to Meredith. "Woah there Hunt, dinner dance isn't until next year- calm down with the ladies."

Owen should have been amused but irritation replaced the phantom feeling, now was not the time to tease him. "Mark, what do you need?"

"Nothing just seeing what everybody seems to be doing here, but from what I can tell it's no party. I'm going to dinner, how about you Derek?"

"Actually I'm staying here, tell Ari that i'll come down later." Derek intoned.

"Derek…" It was Addison's voice, "Just come down to dinner, with Ari. They miss you."

"By they, you mean yourself right." Derek said, voice steadily growing. "Well, too bad. I'm not missing you. Get out, someone's trying to sleep."

"Derek-"

"Out this isn't your dorm, i'll see you around or never." He got up and closed the door in there face. "Fucking idiots," he cursed.

"Dude, that was our way out for dinner." Alex said, slightly irritated. "I'm going to go, I don't see why we're all here for Yang's pity party.

Owen bit back a response, reminding himself that these weren't his friends but Cristina's friends. "Then go, nobody is stopping you."

"Works by me," shrugged Alex. The rest of them seemed slightly hesitant but followed suit. Meredith gave him a forced smile, her eyes saying enough for Owen to understand that he needed to take care of her or else.

"You sure you're okay with her?" Derek asked, giving him a sympathetic look.

"I'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"You could just gently put her down and come with us," George meekly suggested. "Incase your hungry, of course."

"I'm fine here, don't worry about it. I'm not hungry, it'll be fine." He responded, lightly.

They all gave half-hearted goodbye, not really sure what to say to Owen, most of them were curious of what happened, some of them were just puzzled at how he could scoop Cristina in his arms and not have a huge fight about it. Alex was bored, as he always was although not disinterested. Izzie looked on with sympathy as did George- he had little to no words to express Cristina, his sympathy only extended so far, unlike Izzie. Whilst Derek sat in the silence with only slight understanding, he didn't understand the gravity of the situation while his girlfriend did. Meredith, however, sat with a stoic expression with some blush creeping in everytime Derek did something cute or romantic.

"Just go, i'll be fine. See you down there in a bit." Owen intoned, trying to dispel there glances.

"Whatever dude, see you later I guess" Alex replied.

The door shut quietly behind as they left and Owen breathed a sigh of relief. He stroked her hair, placing her curls on her side and watching her chest rise up and down, following her breathing pattern. He found himself smiling at the sleeping figure of Cristina, thinking how peaceful she looked as she slept on his chest.

He pulled out his phone and took a quick photo of her, she looked cute. So peaceful without the memories that had haunted her for so long. He had sleep problems too, but it wasn't nearly as bad as hers. Some days were better than some, like it always was.

"What are you doing?" Her morning voice kicked in as she tried to register what was going on. She saw Owen's phone, giving him a puzzled look. She looked up and realised where she was and wretched her grip from him, slightly embarrassed at the position she was in. "Gimme your phone."

"But you were cute." Owen said, grinning at her. He released his grip on her helping her up. He could tell that she was uncomfortable but in true Cristina fashion, she didn't comment on it.

"No I wasn't, give it back." Cristina said, making a reach for the phone.

"Give what back, it's my phone." Owen said, extending his arm out of her reach.

"Fine whatever, I hope you didn't take photos of me while I was passed out."

"I wasn't" Owen said, innocently. "You want dinner?"

"Yeah i'm starving. Did they go down already?" Cristina asked, she knew that he knew about Burke. She hoped that he wouldn't talk about it, although she also knew that the topic was inevitable for him to cover, she didn't want to talk about.

"Yeah they did," his laugh dying down slightly. "About Burke-"

"Look Owen, it's fine. I don't want to talk about it." Cristina said, closing her eyes and fiddling her necklace.

"You can't tell me that okay."

"It isn't, but he just wants a friend… I don't know."

"There you said it yourself, you don't know, come on Cristina. He isn't healthy for you, it's not good. And to add that to your already sleep deprived self, it really isn't okay."

She didn't reply, pushing herself off the bed. Cristina could still smell Owen's cologne on her. "I don't know."

"Come on, let's go to dinner… but think about it, okay?" Owen lightly lead her out of the room, he knew he shouldn't push the topic so he didn't. "Meredith and Derek are cute," he commented, trying to lead her mind off of Burke and everything that had happened.

"They're so so, at least i'm not hearing Meredith talk about him and they're very intimate eye sex but I don't think it's been replaced with anything better," she said, "But she's now talking about him, but whatever she's happy. I've seen cuter."

"Who?"

"Me" she said, grinning slightly. She read Owen's facial expression and gave him a grin, "I'm joking, but they're cute but they're not like Tom Holland and Zendaya."

"Are they even dating?" Owen asked, still slightly taken aback by her comment. Not because he disagreed with her self assessment but because he wholeheartedly agreed with her.

She shrugged, "I don't know but they're cute."

 _Like you,_ Owen thought. But he kept his thoughts on the inside, she didn't need to know that. "You know who else is cute, Castle and Beckett on _Castle_."

"I know, they're adorable."

"You watch it?" he was genuinely surprised.

"Yeah I watched it a lot when my dad died," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry." He said, feabley trying to apologise.

"It's fine," she said, I don't need you to be sorry." It was fine, like everything was but at the same time- nothing was okay, nothing was ever okay.

[]

"Does Owen like Cristina?" Meredith asked Derek as they were walking down to the cafeteria.

"Not that I know of," Derek replied, shrugging his shoulders. "If he did, he hasn't said anything." He saw Meredith's face fall, she was just looking out for Cristina after all. "If I know anything about Owen, he won't hurt her."

"I remember the time with Beth though…"

"That was when they were dating, they're just friends. Nothing more I think," Derek said, "He's not going to hurt her, don't worry."

"I worry but that made me feel a bit better." Meredith replied, giving him a smile.

"You're welcome," Derek said, draping his arm over her shoulder. "You're cute when you're worried."

"I am not," Meredith said, breaking out into a large grin.

Derek gave her another smile, "Yes you are. You so are."

Her voice mellowed slightly,"Will you ever hurt me?" she quietly asked.

"No, not in a million years."


End file.
